The Divorce Chapter

EP72 Wobble Your Way to Greatness: Building the Post-Divorce Life You Love One Step at a Time

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 72

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It’s January, it’s grey and cold, and if you’re anything like me, you’re on your third cup of tea before noon and wondering if it’s socially acceptable to hibernate until April. 

Post-Christmas blues, crap weather, and the lingering chaos of divorce…. it’s not exactly the vibe, is it?

BUT… (and there’s always a but)… there’s a way out of this dreary rut, and it starts with a choice.

You can wallow like a whale in a pity party for one (been there, babes). Or you can choose something better. Something that lights you up. Something that takes that gorgeous vision for your life and turns it into actual, real-life magic ✨

That’s what this week’s episode is all about: how to stop dreaming and start doing. I’m giving you a foolproof roadmap to turn your post-divorce vision into reality with the help of something fabulous: SMARTER goals and tiny, unsexy-but-powerful steps.

Here’s what’s inside:
 🎯 A fresh take on goal-setting—because "SMART goals" are so last decade dahling.
 💃 How to make your goals EXCITING (hint: it involves Beyoncé playlists and champagne-worthy rewards).
 🌱 Why tiny, wobbly steps are the secret sauce to massive life changes.
 🛠️ Keystone habits, habit stacking, and other hacks to build the life of your dreams.
 🔥 And, of course, a few Sarah-isms to make you laugh while you get inspired.

Because here’s the thing: You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. You just need to take one small, messy, beautiful step at a time. Wobbly toddlers learn to walk….and then run, love. And you will too.

You’ve got this….and I’ve got you 💪

And if you also want a chance at winning a £25 Amazon Gift Voucher, simply:

  1. Write a (preferably nice!) review of the episode wherever you listen to your podcasts.
  2. Screenshot your review
  3. Send the screenshot of the review AND tell me if you want either the free journal prompts to get your ex out your head or else the free guide to the top books to take you from heartbreak to healing after divorce (or tell me if you want both) and email all of this to sarah@thedivorcebookclub.com

I’ll put all the entries into a hat to draw a winner on 31 March 2025 

Can’t wait to see all your dreams coming true 💭

Loads of Love

Sarah x

🌸

P.S. I also mention in the episode the HUGE impact that this month’s book is having in the Divorce Book Club. The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins is beyond amazing as a simple tool to get your beautiful ass in gear…. AND using the code JANUARYSALE you get 50% off the first month…. So basically a fiver to change your life 🤷🏽‍♀️

Check it out here ⬇️

THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
 
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Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello and welcome back to the divorce chapter. I'm Sarah Elizabeth, your somewhat sassy cheerleader and overall guide for rebuilding your life after the shitshow of divorce. How the jolly hell are you? Because I know January can be a bit bloody depressing at times, can't it? Especially in the UK, crimbo is done. It's dark by four o'clock and the weather is utter shite. Chucking in a divorce and, yeah, it can feel like not the best start to the year. I get it, but look the way I see it, we have a choice. We can choose to wallow like a whale, have a pity party for one, and generally just let this shit happen to us like a passive spectator of our own lives, or there's another choice, which is that we can choose instead to rise above it, choose another way to deal with it. After all, if you're not changing it, then, mate, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are choosing it, because even no choice in itself is a choice right? Now, there's a guy called Jim Rohn, R O, H N. He was a motivational speaker and author, and he has a serious number of pearls of wisdom that are really worth thinking about when it comes to this shizzle, just Google Jim Rohn quotes and blow your life away love. But two of his quotes that I love and feel like they resonate here for what we're talking about today. One is, if you don't design your own life plan. Chances are you're fall in to someone else's plan. Guess what they have planned for you? Not much, sweet fuck all, in the words of the somewhat less inspiring Sarah Elizabeth and the second Jim Rohn quote for today, you must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself. Hell yes. Jimbo. Now last week, we talked all about creating a vision for your new chapter after divorce, a beautiful, empowering, totally you vision for your life. But here's the thing, a vision without action is just a daydream, a pipe dream. It's like staring at the ingredients for cake, but never getting the mixing bowl out the cupboard delicious ideas, but no bloody cake. So in today's episode, we're going all in on turning that vision you worked through last week into reality. Beautiful, beautiful, reality. But how do you set goals that stick? How do you create habits that don't feel like a massive chore, and how do you take small, consistent steps towards the big life that you're dreaming of without completely overwhelming yourself? Well by the end of this episode, you will have a roadmap for your vision and the tools to stay on track even on the hard days. So let's get started. 


Sarah Elizabeth  03:41

And I want to start with a bit of a truth bomb. Small steps are so underrated. Yes, underrated, not overrated, massively underrated. We live in a world obsessed with instant gratification, overnight transformations, 30 day body challenges, lose a stone in 10 days, quick fix hacks, social media highlights where it seems like everyone is nailing life in a millisecond. But here's the secret no one talks about it's the boring, unsexy, small steps that actually get you where you want to go. Think of it this way. Imagine you're trying to climb a massive staircase. If you focus on only that top step, it's overwhelming. It's too much. It feels too steep, but if you look down and just focus on the next step in front of you, and the next and then the next, it's manageable. And the same goes for your goals. Picture a toddler learning to walk. They don't start by sprinting. They wobble. They wobble all over the fucking place. They wobble, they fall over, and then they take a few awkward steps at a time. And you know what those tiny steps add up? Eventually, they're zooming around the house causing fucking chaos, and your journey is the same tiny, wobbly steps where you might fall over sometimes, will actually take you further than trying to sprint on day one. So keep that in mind as we talk goal setting, right? Okay, so we've got our big vision for how we want our life to look how we want to feel. Now let's talk goal setting to get you there the actionable steps, if you like, because if your goals are vague, impossible, don't really align with your vision, you're setting yourself up for a bit of frustration. 


Sarah Elizabeth  05:56

Now, a great framework, I swear by, is the smart-er method, because basic SMART goals are so last decade darling, but we start with those then raise those fuckers higher. So we want to make them specific. Get crystal fucking clear. Instead of saying something like, I want to feel healthier, say I want to drink two litres of water a day. I want to exercise for 30 minutes five days a week. Specificity creates focus. So s for specific, and we all know SMART goals, I'm sure. So then M for measurable. How are you going to track your progress if your goal is financial independence, how you're going to know that you've got there? So it's like setting a monthly savings target that's also specific, like 10% of your income. Or it could be that there's a specific and measurable debt repayment amount numbers particularly keep you accountable and are more measurable. Even the health goal. Example, you can measure two litres of water a day. You can measure how many times you exercise. You get me. Okay, then we've got a for achievable stretch yourself, by all means. But don't be ridiculous. There's no run a marathon in a week nonsense here, right? If you've never run before, start with jogging for 10 minutes. Start with the couch to 5k app. You're gonna fail if you try to do too much too soon. Have massive fuck off dreams 100% but the steps to get you there need to be smaller and achievable. Remember, your brain's job is to keep you safe. So when you're doing something completely new and out of your comfort zone, your brain is going to see that as a potential threat and tell you to stop that shit immediately. So when you take it small and achievable, you're basically affirming to your own brain that you're okay. We can do this bitches. The other thing by taking smaller and more achievable steps is that you're building self trust. So like say, it's about running as an example, right? Maybe when you were eight in a school sports day, you fell ass over tit in the running race, every fucker laughed at you, and that shit is stored in the programming in our heads. Then maybe you were 18 and running for a train, and you just made it, but it took 20 minutes in the entire carriage staring at you to get your breath back, such was the panting, you know, [pant] I think I'm gonna die because I've run for the train, I can neither confirm nor deny that I've been there anyhow. So our brains have stored shit like this as evidence, and when we start something new, our RAS our reticular activating system in the brain, looks for evidence to see if it's okay, to see if it's safe, to proceed. Proceed with caution or not. If the evidence that you've got programmed in your brain is that running is not safe. I repeat, running is not safe, you will essentially find every possible reason under the sun not to run, which just serves to give your brain even more evidence that you're not a fucking runner. So small, achievable steps starts to build the evidence that you are what you want to be. You are a runner, right? So make it achievable. Next up are for relevant? Does this goal align with your vision? If your dream, your big vision is. Is freedom and adventure. Ask yourself if your goals are leading you closer to that or actually just piling on even more freaking obligations, and then T for time bound. Give your goal a deadline. Someday is not a real date. Now that's the SMART goals. 


Sarah Elizabeth  10:23

But as I said so last decade, darling, we want smart, er, goals now. So we are so E for exciting, because your goals should light you up. Let's be honest, boring goals are going to die a very quick death. If your goals feel like a chore, you're more likely to procrastinate or even quit altogether. So to make your goals stick, they need to excite you, fill you with energy, with joy, with purpose. Think of them not as obligations, but as opportunities to create a life you genuinely love, a life you don't want to escape from. So it's about tying your goals to your passion and values. Ask yourself, what lights me up, what feels fun, meaningful or aligned with a person I want to become so like, if exercise more feels dull, ask yourself, what movement excites you? Maybe it's dancing in your kitchen, to Beyonce, hiking in nature, signing up for martial arts class you've always wanted to try, make it feel more fun. Or if saving money feels restrictive, reframe it as that you're saving for something exciting, like your dream trip to Bali or a Mulberry and bag. And also use visualization to add some emotion to it as well, and we're going to do a bit more on this next week in terms of becoming the person in your vision. But it's about imagining not only the goal itself, but how achieving that is going to feel. Picture yourself running that 5k crossing the finish line feeling like an absolute badass, or imagine the excitement of holding your published book in your hands for the first time, or walking into your dream home for the first time. What feels fun make it almost playful? We used to play all the time as kids, why? And when did we stop? I used to walk around on me head and me hands half the time doing head stands and hand stands everywhere. When did I stop cartwheeling around the place? I just used to randomly cartwheel. When did I stop cartwheeling? I mean, I think physically, it might be a bit challenging now, but you know what I mean, why and when did we stop playing? And also reframe the language you use, the words you use to describe your goals really do matter. Instead of saying, I'm working on my side hustle, try, I'm creating my dream business, bitches. Instead of Get Fit try, I'm becoming the healthiest, happiest, best goddamn version of myself. Instead of saying I need to work out three times a week, reframe it as like every Wednesday, I get to meet my favorite online yoga instructor on zoom so I do, or Saturday mornings are for sweaty feel good dance parties to my bad ass energy playlist. Exciting language generates exciting energy, and that shit makes the difference, let me tell you, plus you could gamify your goals for more fun, and that just basically means turning your goals into some sort of game or challenge. So you could use a fitness app that rewards you with badges for workouts, or you could set a 10 day challenge to try a new recipe every day, or post your daily gratitude on Instagram, whatever it looks like, that aligns with your goals and your visions, right? 


Sarah Elizabeth  14:26

And finally, on our smarter goals are for rewarding, celebrate your wins, because let's be real. What's the point of setting and smashing goals if you don't take time to celebrate along the way, because often, what we actually do is end up setting another goal once we get there and forgetting that this was once a dream. This was once what we wanted like so say. You want to get into a size 12. You'll be happy with that. You say to yourself, Oh, I'd be really happy if I could just get in a size 12 again. I'll be really happy with that. What ends up happening is that you get to a size 12 and then say, Oh, actually, I really want to be a size 10 now, or I really need to tone it up now. You haven't celebrated all that amazing stuff that got you to your original goal of size fucking 12 and the rewards are not just indulgences, either. They're powerful motivators that reinforce positive behaviour. It gives your RAS again evidence that you are what you say you are. Every time you celebrate a win, no matter how small your brain gets a dopamine hit, which makes it even more likely your stick to your goals, to celebrate the steps and not just the finish line. Break your goal into smaller milestones and celebrate as you hear each one as well. So say So your goal is to write a book reward yourself after each chapter you write, if your goal is to say five grand, treat yourself when you hit the first 1000 and choose meaningful rewards that feel truly exciting and aligned with your goals. So like, if it's an exercise or health goal, treat yourself to a massage, new workout gear, cooking class. If you've bought healthy groceries every week for a month, treat yourself to a new recipe book or kitchen gadget. If it's a financial goal, go out for a posh dinner. Buy a small luxury item or something. If it's a business goal, celebrate with a day off. Have a day off, although not all rewards have to wait until you hit a milestone. You can also use small instant rewards to keep your motivation going, like after completing a workout, grab a smoothie or have a 10 minute guilt free scroll on, tik tok, whatever takes your fancy. A gym that I used to belong to had a coffee shop there, and that was always my incentive. I'd go and do my workout and then I'd go coffee. That was my little incentive. You can get those small things to keep you going and give you the will and the like, say, incentive, or after finishing, like, a big task, you know, light a candle, take a bath, make it so that you are treating yourself. It's about the small wins that keeps you going and on track. Or you could use a visual tracker, like a habit tracker thing, basically like a star chart for grown ups, every time you fill in a set, give yourself a mini reward, like a sticker, like a star chart, like a gold star, do happy dance or something that shit adds up. And as a bonus tip, you can stack excitement and rewards the ER to smarter together and create goals that are both exciting and rewarding. So if your goal is to exercise three times a week, get the excitement and make each session fun with playlists or classes that you love, and then after a month, treat yourself to a new pair of workout leggings or a fitness tracker. Win, win by making your goals exciting and rewarding. On top of the whole smart thing, you transform the journey into something enjoyable. So it's not just about the destination, and that keeps you more motivated and focused, and more importantly, having fun along the way. 


Sarah Elizabeth  18:42

So let's have a bit of a look, then, at habits that will help us reach our goals in order to get to our beauts vision, because habits are like the secret sauce to success, right? Habits matter, if it helps think of habits as a bit like autopilot for your goals. Once that habit is ingrained, it takes less effort and frees up your mental energy for the fun stuff. And building a habit is a bit like planting seeds. First, it takes a lot of effort. You've got to dig up the old shit, you've got to plant the seed, then do all the watering and shit and all the freaking waiting. But eventually those seeds grow and they blossom into a beautiful garden that actually thrives with very little maintenance. You know, your habits are the seeds for your dream life. So start small with what are called micro habits. And these are tiny, almost laughably small, actions that get the ball rolling. So if you want to start journaling, commit to writing just one sentence a day, just one. Want to exercise?Start with a couple of minutes of stretching. And it works, because once you start, you generally end up doing so much more, like one sentence. Turns into a page, and two minutes of stretching turns into 10 or even a full on workout. And if you do need some help to get going in the first place, and your motivation is a bit lacking, because it is a limited thing, you know, you need to get your ass over to the divorce book club pronto. We are reading the five second rule by Mel Robbins throughout January, and I gotta tell you, it's already having some seriously amazing impact. It's so simple, but profoundly fucking life changing, and you're not too late as you can re listen from the start, as it works for you, honestly, game changer for getting moving on new habits, absolute fucking game changer. And also for habits, one of my absolute faves, habit stacking, this is genuinely one of my favourite tricks when it comes to habits, you basically pair your new habit with an existing one. So like after you brush your teeth, you can write down three things you're grateful for, or while you're waiting for your coffee to brew, you can plan your day, or do 10 squats. You get the picture. You know, it adds on to what you're already doing. Back in the panny- D, I wanted to get into the habit of listening to podcasts. Little did I know then that I'd end up with my own but I guess that is the power of habits, right? Anyway, I was already in the habit of doing my makeup every morning, and so I basically stacked that baby on and listened to a podcast while I was getting ready, and I'd started a new habit of a daily walk in the panny D too, and then stacked listening to podcasts onto that as well. Now I struggle to do either of them without chucking the pod on. By tying a habit to something you already do. It becomes like seamless. 


Sarah Elizabeth  21:58

But let's also get a little bit real, because creating habits isn't always smooth sailing. We are in limited supply of motivation. We do forget our why. You know, so here's a few tips for tackling the most common excuses and roadblocks. Number one, I don't have time. Love you do not need an hour to make progress. Was you're listening to the micro habits bit, if not rewind. Small pockets of time add the fuck up. Five minutes of meditation, 10 minutes of decluttering, 15 minute walk. You spent more time than that scrolling Instagram yesterday, don't you deny it. Or another one I keep forgetting. For this one, try it and use visual reminders, maybe like sticky notes around the house or setting alarms on your phone, or even getting yourself a habit tracker app. The more you see it and get triggered to remember it the harder it is to ignore. Or another good way to bring this to the kind of forefront of your mind is to create a vision board, creating a digital vision on your phone's lock screen of your dream life what you're aiming for helps massively so that you're constantly reminded of what you're working towards, or another excuse I'm not motivated. Said it before. Motivation is limited. It's fleeting. Habits are reliable. Show up even when you don't feel like it and you don't need to do it perfectly, just fucking do it. And again, the five second rule is amazing for this. So another reason to get yourself over to the divorce book club, and by the way, using the code Januarysale, you get 50% off for the first month. So basically, a fiver to change your goddamn life. But also part of getting our ass in gear and sorting this motivation blocker lies in creating the identity of the person in your vision, which we're going to do some more of next week. But overall, just try and picture it as though you're almost filling a jar with marbles. Some days, you load a handful shit, ton of them. Other days, maybe just one, but every marble counts. Keep adding it, even if it's just a little one. And whilst we're talking habits, it's also good to try and create some momentum with what are known as Keystone Habits, and their habits that basically create a ripple effect so they improve multiple areas of your life, like regular exercise, for example, is not only good for your general health or losing weight or getting fit or whatever else your overall vision and goal is, but it also boosts energy. It. Improves mood and helps you sleep better multiple ticks in one habit, or like developing a daily gratitude practice makes you more optimistic. It improves your overall mood and improves relationships. So if you can try and find one keystone habit that aligns with your vision. Go from there. It's like a domino effect. Knock down one, the rest will follow. Before you know it, you'll be living your vision. Building the life you want isn't about grand gestures or overnight success. It's about showing up every day, taking small, deliberate steps and trusting that those steps will lead to something extraordinary, something fucking amazing. Your vision isn't just a dream, it's a blueprint, and you're the builder. So grab your tools, start planting those habit seeds, and take it one beautiful, messy, wobbly step at a time. And remember, if you don't go get it, no other fucker is going to do it for you. You can either pray 2025, is going to be your year, or you can pray and do some shit to make it happen. Or back to the late, great Jim Rohn, another quote of his, your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. Just saying, 


Sarah Elizabeth  26:25

So, I hope that's helped in giving you some inspo to start putting your vision for your next chapter, your 2025 chapter, your divorce chapter, into action and reality. If it has helped, I'd love love. Love for you to rate and review the episode. It just means going to the divorce chapter, wherever you listen to your podcasts, and hopefully giving it five stars and writing something nice. It doesn't take long. It takes, like, seconds, though, actually, I don't always get notified about the reviews, so I'm going to start something a new habit, if you will. If you could be absolutely amazing and spend a few seconds reviewing the episode, writing something nice. Then take a screenshot of your review, because otherwise I might not see it, and email it to me. Sarah @ the divorce book club.com, everything's in the show notes. I'll put all the names into a hat and draw out a winner at the end of the first quarter. So the end of March 2025 there's going to be a winner. What can we win? An Amazon voucher that's kind of worldwide, 25 pound Amazon voucher. There we go. Does that help? And in your email as well, if you tell me if you want one or both of the freebies on the website, either the amazing journal prompts to get the ex out your head, or else the free guide to the top 10 books to get you from heartbroken to healed. Then let me know too in the email, and I'll send, send them both to you if you want, if that's what you want. Now that's a bit of excitement. Hey, we like a little bit of competition. Yes, we do. Gamify see? Yeah, make it fun. So that is me for this week. As I said, next week we're going to go a bit more into being the person in your vision. This week was about the doing. Next week, we were about the being, and so I will be back in your beautiful earbuds for that one. Sending you loads of love. Bye.

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Sarah Elizabeth

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