EP74 Unsubscribe From the BS: The Post-Divorce Mental Reset

💡 "If it’s not serving you, hit unsubscribe."

Your inbox isn’t the only thing clogged with spam….your mind is too. 

From guilt and people-pleasing to outdated beliefs about what your post-divorce life should look like, you’re probably unconsciously “subscribed” to a whole load of mental junk you never actually signed up for.

So in this episode, we’re hitting ‘unsubscribe’ on everything keeping you stuck.

🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
 ✔️ Why your brain is like an inbox filled with spam (and how to declutter it)
 ✔️ The 4-Step Unsubscribing Framework to clear out guilt, toxic beliefs, and people-pleasing
✔️ The sneaky "marketing tricks" toxic thoughts use to keep you stuck… and how to break free
✔️ How to set up a VIP Inbox PLUS mental junk mail filters and a firewall to protect your peace

📱 DM me on Instagram @thedivorcechapter and tell me: What are YOU unsubscribing from this week?

This episode is perfect for you if:
 ✔ You’re tired of overthinking and want to break free from mental clutter
 ✔ You feel stuck in guilt, people-pleasing, or waiting for closure
 ✔ You need a fun, no-BS way to reclaim your energy and peace after divorce

🔥 Unsubscribe from what drains you. Subscribe to what sets you free.

And if you want a chance at winning a £25 Amazon Gift Voucher, simply:

1. Write a review of the episode wherever you listen to your podcasts.
2. Screenshot your review
3. Send the screenshot of the review AND tell me if you want either the free journal prompts to get your ex out your head or else the free guide to the top books to take you from heartbreak to healing after divorce (or both) and email all of this to sarah@thedivorcebookclub.com

I’ll put all the entries into a hat to draw a winner on 31 March 2025 

Can’t wait to see what you’re unsubscribing from 🚫

Loads of Love

Sarah x

🌸

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FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce

https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Spam Clogging Up our Mental Inbox
• 4:34 Is it FOMO Keeping You Hooked?
• 7:06 The Four Step Unsubscribing Framework
• 11:50 Curating your VIP Inbox
• 14:57 Firewall Protection
• 18:46 What Are YOU Unsubscribing From This Week?
• 20:19 Enter the Draw for an Amazon Voucher

Transcript

00:00

Hello and welcome to the divorce chapter, the podcast where we unsubscribe from drama faster than an ex unsubscribes from Child Support reminders, eurgh Dick, anyway, I'm your host, Sarah Elizabeth, and today we're talking about something we all need. A good goddamn Mental Cleanse, a clear out, if you will. Now, you know those really annoying emails that won't leave you alone, the ones from that candle company you bought one thing from in 2015 and is now acting like you're lifelong fucking besties. Yeah, your brain does it and all it sends you 10 ton of shit you neither want nor need, especially in a divorce shit show, which is why today we're hitting unsubscribe on all the things keeping you stuck, guilt, people, pleasing, waiting for closure from someone who can't even close the kitchen cupboards or a loo seat. Un sub, fucking scribe, unsubscribe. We are going to learn how to unsubscribe like a boss. So get comfy, grab a coffee, and let's start clearing out that mental inbox. Now I know I'm not the only one with the dodgy emails that I swear I never signed up for, like, why is Dave's discount tyres emailing me on the daily? I don't even have a car. I do. I'm joking, but I've never even fucking bought one of Dave's freaking tyres. And also, for the love of God, why is the unsubscribe button always hidden in a microscopic font buried under 10 lines of guilt tripping copy. Are you sure? You'll miss out on exclusive deals? No, Dave, I won't. Well, guess what your brain does? Exactly the same goddamn thing. It keeps sending you thoughts, habits, outdated beliefs you never actually signed up for, and just like spam emails, these mental subscriptions clutter your mental inbox, drain your energy, and what's worse, keeps you from focusing on what actually matters. So what if we treated our thoughts, relationships, old habits, the way we treat junk email? If it's not good for us, we just hit unsubscribe. This is what I call the unsubscribing mindset, the radical act of choosing not to engage with shit that drains you. We unconsciously stay subscribe to certain mindsets, to obligations, toxic beliefs, like a freaking gym membership we forgot about, but still get bloody charged for every month. Let's expose those sneaky subscriptions cheeky fuckers.

03:33

So what are some examples of mental spam clogging our inboxes? Well, it might be seeking validation from your ex. Did you really need that text reply? Did you? Did you? It could be even feeling guilty for moving on, because sometimes happiness can weirdly feel like a betrayal, even if you weren't the one who instigated the end of the freaking marriage.You might find yourself over explaining your choices, like if someone asks you why you got divorced, do they really need a TED Talk? It might even be a belief that struggling must equal strength. Healing doesn't have to feel like a marathon through quicksand, you know, love. So this is some shit that we could unsubscribe from right now, even saying yes when you mean no, or waiting until your hashtag ready, ready for what? So just for a second, have a pause and think about what you might have been subscribed to that you didn't consciously sign up for, and actually, you know exactly like spam emails. There's also a shitload of marketing tactics in toxic beliefs that keep you hooked, but bring out fear, guilt, scarcity, all to keep you hooked, keep you subscribed. So they might be something, like, FOMO, fear of missing out. FOMO. What if I let go and I regret it? I might miss it. Guilt tripping. Oh, if I stop trying to be the good ex, does that make me the bad guy? Scarcity, thinking, if I let go of this person, will I be on my own forever? What if I become the cat lady? Or there's false obligation, I should keep the peace, even if it's freaking killing me. I swear that toxic thoughts are like that one ex who keeps making new email addresses just to slide into your inbox again.So again, take a minute to just think about where you might be caught in some equivalent marketing magic, just in order to keep hold of the beliefs and the thoughts. 

06:05

So how do we unsubscribe in real life? Well, we're going to use the four step unsubscribing framework. So step one is to identify what it is that is spamming your mental inbox, the thoughts, beliefs, people that are filling up your inbox with shit and so not allowing the good stuff in. Inbox is full. This is the shit that drains your energy, causes you self doubt, generally, keeps you stuck in the old patterns, stuff like we talked about. I need closure for my ex before I can move on. I should be over my divorce by now.Oh, people will judge me for changing my life too much. I've got to prove I'm doing great post divorce. You know the divorce bloody demons. So write down absolutely everything you feel somehow obligated to believe or do, and then ask yourself, did I consciously sign up for this? If not, it's spam, which brings us on to step two, recognising the psychological hook, the dodgy marketing tactics. What is keeping you subscribed Is it fear, FOMO, guilt, people pleasing for every belief or thought you identified that you didn't subscribe to ask what tactic is keeping you hooked? Because once you see it, it loses its power. And then then we've got the beautiful, powerful step three hit the mental unsubscribe button. Visualise it. Imagine it a giant unsubscribe button in your mind, not in microscopic text, a big, giant unsubscribe button, whatever a draining thought pops up mental spam in your mind, click that unsubscribe and watch the thought vanish. Poof gone. Ask yourself, What if I just opted out? What if I just opted the fuck out? Just press Delete and unsubscribe. No more shitty notifications taking over your life just gone. You don't need permission to let go. You don't need to explain why you're done. You just unsubscribe un sub fucking scribe can even use a mantra to go along with the imaginary click of the unsubscribe button. Every time an old thought popped up, say to yourself, I don't subscribe to this anymore. Or, if you're me, I don't subscribe to this shit no more. And you can replace the belief with a better one as well. Like I don't need my ex's validation to move on. Or I can change my mind and outgrow things, and that's okay. Oh, a great one. Not everything deserves a response for me, so when a self doubt thought comes up mentally, click unsubscribe and just watch it vanish. You could even print out an actual unsubscribe card or sticker and keep it on your desk or your phone, make a screensaver. We've got to do what we gotta do, you know, and look, unsubscribing isn't just about removing the negativity, getting rid of the spam shit. It's also about making space, clearing the inbox for better beliefs, habits, relationships, you get to choose what gets your attention and energy. 

10:11

Which brings me on to step four of the unsubscribing framework. Curate your VIP inbox, just like we unsubscribe from spam and only sign up to emails we want to receive, we should equally only intentionally subscribe to thoughts, people, beliefs that empower us. So ask yourself, what do you actually want to subscribe to it might be that you only want to subscribe to peace or self trust or excitement for the future joy without any freaking guilt attached. What do you want to see in your VIP inbox? Some ways then, to curate your mental VIP inbox, follow people who inspire you, literally and metaphorically on social media and in real life, we become like the five people we see here, be with the most so choose wisely. My friend. Also subscribe to new beliefs that support your future, not your past. Is this contributing to your future self? If not unsubscribe, delete and block and check your inbox on a daily notice, when an old spam thought tries to sneak back in and hit delete. You can always put your mind on airplane mode so nothing toxic gets through toxic texts didn't come through, sorry, unwanted opinions straight to voicemail, the one person who drains your energy, sorry, error File Not Found you know, and set some goddamn filters as well. If something doesn't add value to your life, don't engage, always think about what's in your VIP inbox, because it's maybe a bit of a reality check. Unsubscribing doesn't mean the thoughts won't try to sneak back in like the candle company. So we also need to think about what happens after we unsubscribe. Now I mentioned just saying about setting some filters, and it's good to use, like a junk mail filter strategy for those sneaky old fuckers that do try and get back in because, like, some spam just won't quit. Some limiting beliefs, thoughts stuck, patterns may well keep coming back. So we've got to learn to set ourselves a mental filter. When an old, useless thought pops up, see it, recognise it, send it to the bin, do the trash can. Don't engage. Just delete it and remember you're unsubscribed from that bitch. This isn't about fixing or endlessly processing. It's about recognizing that you don't owe engagement to every thought expectation or even person in your life, just like you don't owe anything to Dave's discount tyres or that fucking Candle Company.

13:19

And whilst we're talking curating our VIP in box and junk filters. Let's add a firewall and all while we're at it, because it adds a lovely extra layer of protection beyond just filtering out the junk Yes, the junk mail filter catches and deletes the old toxic thoughts that might sneak in, but the firewall actively blocks harmful influences before they even reach you. So it's almost like a junk mail filter is reactive. It deletes the toxic thoughts after they've landed in your mind. But a firewall, though, is proactive. It stops harmful influences from ever getting in in the fucking first place? Just like a firewall protects your devices from viruses and hackers, a mental firewall protects you from unwanted opinions about your divorce, emotional manipulation from the ex, toxic social media comparisons Your Own Worst case scenario spirals. You ever been at an airport security when they confiscate your water bottle, but they let you keep your laptop that's your firewall in action, screening what comes in and confiscating toxic influences like water, that toxic water, before they make it onto your mental carry on, if a thought or a person of an energy isn't safe for you, it doesn't get through security, be as strict about what enters your mind as airport security is about liquids over 100ml. So how can you set up a mental firewall? We'll first up customise your Blocked Senders List. We've thought about this that make up mental block list of what no longer gets access to your energy, so like the ex's passive aggressive texts or social media posts that make you feel utter shit, or it might be family members who guilt trip the fuck out of you, or even that inner voice saying, Oh, you'll never move on. And then, once you've looked at your blocks list, install an auto responder, an automatic response for toxic messages when someone tries to send you guilt or manipulation or negativity. Imagine having an automatic response that rejects it straight off the bat, so like if your ex guilt trips you, auto response, not my responsibility. If someone questions your choices, auto response. Not my problem. If an intuitive thought pops up, auto response, not subscribing to that. Just make it short, firm, final, you're unsubscribed now. You ain't letting that fucker back in. But remember, as an extra part to this, do upgrade your firewall settings, because firewalls need updates to stay strong. Don't pay so ask yourself regularly, who or what needs to be blocked right now, Am I accidentally letting in energy draining messages? What boundaries do I need to reinforce? Just set a firewall, check in every now and then. Just check that nothing's getting in that shouldn't be getting in. Remember, the VIP inbox only allows in what serves your highest good, what's best for you. The junk mail filter catches the old toxic thoughts and deletes them, and the firewall blocks them before they even get you. You're not just passively letting go, you're actively protecting your peace and unsubscribing from this drama.

17:06

So I know that was a bit of a whistle start, but not to take in. But I hope that kind of unsubscribing mindset as a concept helps you to make sense of how to manage your mental impulse. I do love an analogy, so I think it kind of helps you know. So as a recap, then the four step unsubscribing framework. Number one, identify what's spamming your mind. What are you subscribed to that you don't actually want? Step two, recognise the marketing tactics that's keeping you hooked. Why are you still subscribed? Step three, hit the mental unsubscribe button. Just opt out. What if you've just opted out? And finally, step four, curate your VIP inbox, your mental and emotional boundaries. What do you want to subscribe to instead? And in doing so, set those junk mail filters and the firewall. Yes. Oh, love it. Love it. I'd love for you two to tell me what you're gonna unsubscribe from this week. It could be that we're unsubscribing from the idea that closure comes from the ex, because closure comes from us, right? You know, it could be anything, whatever it is you're unsubscribing from this week, do send me a DM or tag me on Instagram at the divorce chapter and let me know, because I do like to know these things. Unsubscribe from what drains you subscribe to what sets you free. Unsubscribe and

18:40

whilst we're talking and subscribing, let's talk for a minute about subscribing to the things that boost us in our VIP inbox, one of which is this podcast. Subscribe to the divorce chapter pod and never miss an episode, which also means never missing an opportunity to fill your VIP inbox with the good shit. And whilst you're subscribing, it would also be amazing if you could spend a few seconds reviewing this week's episode, and in doing so, you're going to the draw to win a prize. So you will so go to where you listen to your podcast, and under the episode, click to leave a review. Hopefully write something beauts. And then this is the important bit. Take a screenshot of your review, because otherwise don't see them, and then email the screenshot to me. Sarah at the divorce book club.com Sarah at the divorce book club.com I'm going to put all the names into a hat or something, maybe a saucepan, and draw out a winner at the end of the first quarter. So at the end of March, 25 there'll be a winner for a 25 quid Amazon voucher for a few seconds of your time, 25 quid for a few seconds. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, also in your email, if you tell me if you want one or both of the freebies on the website, either the amazing journal prompts or the free guide to the 10 must read books to get you from heartbroken to healed. So let me know, and I can send them both to you, beautiful. So that's it for this week, and the super helpful unsubscribing mindset, I do hope it helps you, and I will be back in your beautiful earbuds next time for so much more in turning our divorce plot twist into our new happy ever after loads of love. Bye.