EP75 Why Do They Get to Move On? The Injustice of Divorce

💔 Why does it feel like they’re living their best life while you’re just trying to survive?

Divorce can feel like the ultimate injustice… especially if you’ve been betrayed. While your ex seems to move on with ease (and maybe even a smug grin), you’re left picking up the emotional, financial, and social pieces of a life you thought would last forever.

In this episode, we’re diving into the gut-punching unfairness of it all, from the gut-level rage of "It’s not fair!" to the emotional exhaustion of waiting for karma to show up. But here’s the hard truth: staying stuck in that injustice only hurts you, not them.

What you’ll hear in this episode:
 ✔️ Why divorce feels like someone threw out the rulebook…. and why that hurts so much
 ✔️ How the inner child’s sense of fairness amplifies the pain of betrayal (and how to soothe it)
 ✔️ Why waiting for karma is like watching a kettle boil without plugging it in
 ✔️ The concept of radical acceptance…. and how it’s NOT about approving their behaviour
 ✔️ How to stop obsessing over them and start focusing on your glow-up

Key Takeaways:

• Their moving on doesn’t mean they’re winning… it just means they’re distracted.
• Waiting for karma doesn’t heal your wounds; your own growth does.
• Just because they abandoned your values doesn’t mean you have to abandon them too.

This episode is perfect for you if:

✔ You’re stuck in the unfairness of betrayal and wondering why they seem to have it so easy
 ✔ You find yourself obsessing over karma or wishing for their downfall
 ✔ You’re ready to take back your power and start living for YOU

Can’t wait to see YOU moving on, unapologetic AF 🔥

Loads of Love

Sarah x

🌸

🎁 P.S. Want to win a £25 Amazon voucher? Leave a review for the podcast, email a screenshot to sarah@thedivorcebookclub.com and you’ll be entered into our March prize draw! Don’t forget to tell me which freebies you’d like too 💖

Want More? Join The Divorce Book Club!

📚 This February, we’re diving into Know Your Worth by Anna Mathur… a life-changing guide to building your self-esteem, confidence, and sense of self. Perfect for a post-divorce glow-up!

Check it out below ⬇️

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Chapters

• 0:00 Where's the F*cking Karma?
• 4:17 It's Just NOT FAIR
• 7:19 Why Karma Doesn't Work As We Want
• 10:33 Our Inner Child is Screaming It's Not Fair
• 13:55 Holding Onto Our Values
• 17:15 Breaking Free from the Mental Prison
• 21:28 Karma's REAL work
• 24:47 Know Your Worth

Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello, my beauts and welcome, welcome. Welcome to the divorce chapter podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Elizabeth, and today we're looking at what can be one of the most gut punching, infuriating, banging your head against the wall, side of divorce, the injustice of it all, the absolute fucking injustice, because let's be honest, it's not fair. It's just not fair. Why do they, the ones who lied, cheated, betrayed you get to move on so goddamn easily? How could they have forgotten everything? And meanwhile, you're over here, barely holding it together, questioning everything, scrolling your phone at midnight, wondering what went fucking wrong. Yes, you have been completely freaking blindsided. Left holding the pieces of a life you thought was gonna last forever, while your ex seems to be swanning around like they're auditioning for a bloody perfume ad, new relationship, new life, same smug face. Why do they get to move on so easily? Where's the fucking karma? Only, sadly, karma isn't available on Amazon Prime. It doesn't just show up the next day, which pisses us off even more, right? I see you, I get you, which is why today we're gonna talk about it. Why the unfairness of divorce hurts so damn much. Why waiting for karma is like standing in a queue for bus that ain't coming. But more importantly, how to shift out of the injustice mindset and start taking your power back. Because yes, you do have some power in this. And also, yes, we acknowledge that this is bloody hard but, but we're also gonna find a way to move forward, because if you stay stuck in the injustice. Stay focused on how unfair it all is. The only person it hurts is you. If you want to look at it another way, they're still going to get to win. If you stay stuck in this place, they win, seemingly, anyway. But if that's how you need to frame it, staying in this place of unfairness is a win for them. However, it works to start looking at this for you, not for him, for you. Let's just do it. 

Sarah Elizabeth  03:16

First, let me just say it though the elephant in the room, you are absolutely right. It's not fair. Divorce feels like the ultimate injustice, especially when you're the one left, picking up the emotional, financial, social pieces while your ex seems to be living their best goddamn life, maybe they've already moved on to someone else. Maybe they did that while you was still together. Maybe they're flaunting their new freedom on Instagram with sunsets, cocktails and captions like finally living my truth. Fuck off. Or maybe they're just oh, just fine, fine. And that also feels like the biggest slap in the face. Divorce can feel like someone flipping the Monopoly board when you were winning, you invested years, maybe decades, of your life. You played by the rules, and then they go off find someone new and start posting best life pictures while you're over here googling how do I unblock a sink without crying,. But and don't hate on me for saying this. But the thing is, the world isn't fair, and I know that sounds super bloody harsh, but it's true. We don't live in a world where pain and joy are always handed out evenly. We don't and honestly, waiting for some cosmic rebalancing act to happen to someone. Else completely out of your control isn't just exhausting. It's a waste of your precious time. You need to make the universe work for you. Think of it like this. Waiting for karma is like sitting at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere, convinced that a bus is coming, even though the timetable thing, he says clearly, no service today. You can sit there all fucking day, or you could start walking towards something better. You can't control whether a bus comes, but you sure as hell can control what you do off the back of it. Divorce feels unfair because it is unfair, especially if you were betrayed. Betrayal isn't just a punch to the gut. It's like they looked at the rule book you were following, set it on fire, and walked away without even looking back. I get it completely. Get it. But let's get one thing clear, they're moving on doesn't mean they're actually winning. It just means they found a distraction. And distractions don't heal wounds. They just cover up temporarily, like a cheap plaster of a gaping, deep wound. But let him work that shit out for himself. He ain't your problem anymore. 

Sarah Elizabeth  06:18

So let's talk a bit more about karma, because if I had a pound for every time someone said, Don't worry, karma will get him, I could probably buy back the old house. But the reality is, and if the bus one didn't work, yes, try this one. Waiting for karma is like staring at a kettle waiting for it to boil with the plug turned off. You're investing your energy into something. You have zero control over nothing, nada. Let's say karma does catch up to them. They get dumped, they lose their job. The new partner finds out who they really are, what, then, then, what do you suddenly feel healed? Does it magically erase what happened? Of course not. You're still left with the same fucking pain. It doesn't actually help you. It's like being in a prison cell and you've got the key in your hand, but you're too busy staring at the window, at your ex, waiting for him to trip over a rock. Meanwhile, the door to your freedoms. It's unlocked. You just have to freaking open it. Yes, totally waiting for karma feels satisfying in theory, but in reality, all it does is keep you tied to your ex. You're mentally checking in on them, checking their life like you're some kind of bitter FBI agent. Karma doesn't work on our timeline, and frankly, sometimes it doesn't even work in the way we desperately want it to, and that's why we have to stop obsessing over it. Also, though, can we just talk for a minute about how fucking exhausting it is to imagine all the scenarios where karma might hit your ex. It's like writing a bad soap opera in your heads. Scene one, they fall ass over tit. Scene two, their new partner realises they chew with their mouth open and leaves them. Scene three, they lose their penis in an accident, fairly awful accident, you know, the effort it takes to fuel that level of petty creativity could probably actually power a small town, you know. And I joke, but seriously, the thing about injustice is that it tricks you into thinking you're powerless, you start constantly asking, why did this happen to me? Instead of a much more fruitful question, What can I do now? You replay the betrayal, looking for answers, hoping that if you find the right piece of the puzzle, it's all gonna make sense only sometimes there is no satisfying answer. Trying to make sense of betrayal is like trying to read a book that's missing the last chapter. Doesn't matter how many times you reread it, you're never gonna get the ending you want. Believe me, I've learned that the freaking hard way, when you focus on how unfair everything is. You're keeping yourself in a loop. It's like re watching the worst episode of your life on repeat, hoping the ending is going to change. Spoiler alert, it won't. 

Sarah Elizabeth  09:32

But let's go a little bit deeper into this, right? Because actually, in a lot of ways, the frustration over injustice doesn't just come from adult us. A lot of it comes from our inner child, that younger version of us who believed in the world's rules, believed in fairness. Think about it as kids. We're told that if you do the right thing, good things are going to happen. If someone hurts you, they'll get punished. You know, back in school and someone was naughty breaking the rules, you'd be the one with your hand going up as high as you could, going, sir, sir. Miss, miss, miss. Yeah, I see you. That was me too. You're taught that if you're kind and loving, you'll be rewarded, but divorce completely shatters that equation, doesn't it. You were loyal, and yet they completely betrayed you. You worked hard to build a life together, and yet they walked away. You lived with integrity. They didn't, and yet, they're the one fucking thriving. No wonder it feels like a kick in the teeth. The child in you is screaming, it's not fair. I don't know it sounds a bit nuts, but we're all basically still little kids running around in adult bodies, most of our programming around who we are and what we believe came before we were, like, seven or eight years old, before our conscious brain started to develop. So when we're taught as kids, you have to follow the rules, otherwise, bad shit is gonna happen, and then the ex hasn't followed the rules and nothing bad has happened. It hits us at the very core. It's not fair. Imagine a playground, you're standing in line for the swings, waiting patiently, because that's the rule, right? Then someone cuts in front of you and takes your turn. What does? Little you do? You tell the teacher, you tell a parent, carer, whoever, right. You expect the person to be told off. Now imagine the adult you've told just shrugs and goes, Yeah, well, life's not fair. Go over it. That's how divorce feels. The playground war book thrown out the window. Why is nobody following the rules here, it's like the rage that comes for us Brits, when someone queue jumps, do they not know the rules? You know, right? So in many ways, part of this is about acknowledging and almost soothing your inner child being like parenting yourself. Speak to your inner child like you would a kid upset on the playground. You're right. It's not fair, and it's okay to feel upset. But what can we do now? Let's focus on what makes us happy. Now, I saw this meme that said, and I wrote it down. It said I officially resigned from adulthood. Decisions will be made using the Eeny meeny miny moe method, and arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue. I'll be at recess if you need me. And that pretty much sums up our inner child. They just need a bit of TLC. 

Sarah Elizabeth  12:55

And seriously, turning the focus back to you, instead of wishing for karma to punish them. Ask yourself, What can I do to show myself fairness and kindness? How can I live with integrity even if they freaking didn't? And also, it's about recognizing this value of integrity, the value of fairness in yourself. The reason this hurts so much is because you value fairness. It's because you value integrity, loyalty. That's a good thing. It means you have strong morals and expectations for how people should behave. But the hard truth is that not everyone lives by the same rules, not everyone has integrity, and holding on to the expectation that they do is only going to keep you stuck, but something else to take away today. Just because someone else betrayed your values it doesn't mean that you have to abandon them as well. If fairness, honesty, loyalty is important to you, you don't need to let go of those values. You just need to stop expecting others, especially the ex, to live up to them. Think of your values like a personal compass. They guide you, but they're not designed to control or guide anyone else's journey. If your ex wants to sail off course, let him. Fuck, right off mate, that's not your ship anymore. So how can you live by your values even when it hurts so much? Well, firstly thinking fairness, be fair to yourself. Stop punishing yourself for their mistakes. They fucked up, not you. So why are you putting all the punishment on yourself and also treat others with fairness, not because they deserve it, but because you live by that standard when it comes to integrity? Be, speak and act in ways that align with who you want to be, not who they made you feel like. Be true to you, even if they couldn't stay true to you. Be honest with yourself about what you need to move forward. Plus, it's important too to be honest about the shit is done. Stop sugar coating the past, accept what happened so you can release it. This is about what wins for you, not him. And if living by your values doesn't give you enough closure, just remind yourself you're taking the high road here. They can keep their low budget reality show drama bullshit themselves. Listen, I know it's hard. I get it. I really do. Divorce feels like one of the most biggest injustices you'll ever face, but staying stuck in that pain just won't hurt them in the slightest. It'll only hurt you. You don't have to forget what happens. You don't have to get over it overnight, but you do have to choose, will you let the injustice define you, or will you take your power back? Your ex doesn't get to decide your story anymore. You do. 

Sarah Elizabeth  16:15

But this is also where radical acceptance comes in. And I know the words of radical acceptance sounds a bit woowoo, but let me break it down a bit, because radical acceptance does not mean you approve of what happened. It does not mean you're okay with the betrayal. It means just that you acknowledge reality as it is, not as you wish it was. And I know the idea of radical acceptance can feel fucking infuriating when you've been wronged. You're like probably thinking, why the hell should I accept something so damn unfair? But radical acceptance matters, and it matters because it frees you from the mental prison of why me? It allows you to redirect your energy towards things you can control, and most of all, it's the first step in reclaiming your goddamn power. Think like you're holding on to a really freaking heavy suitcase filled with anger, bitterness, injustice. It's so heavy it's breaking you back you can barely hold on. Radical acceptance is basically like finally putting that damn suitcase down, not because you're okay with what's in it, but because you're tired of carrying it. So what are some ways you can try out radical acceptance? Well, you can name it for a start, write it down, say it out loud. It's just about acknowledging what happens without sugar coating it. I was lied to. I was betrayed. This is not what I wanted. This is where I am. I don't like it, but I can choose what to do next. And while you're in the acknowledgement moment, also acknowledge your feelings, whether it's screaming into a pillow or punching said pillow and imagining it's his head. Do what you need to do to let that shit out. Just stop fighting reality. Instead of saying This shouldn't have happened, try saying, Look, this did happen. Yes. Now what? It's not about giving up. It's about redirecting your energy. You can't control your ex's behavior, but you can control how you show up for yourself. What small steps can you take right now today to reclaim your power? Ask yourself, What can I do today that moves me forward, even if it's just a little bit and as we're talking moving forward, let's talk about how to shift your focus away from this waiting for karma and towards building the life that you deserve, which means stop checking in on the ex, stop looking at their social media, stop asking mutual friends about them. Their life is no longer your concern. Even better, unfollow the ex on social media, block the bloke. Remove their number from your phone if you've got his shit around the house, if you've been keeping their old jumper, just in case, burn it. Burn it in the garden. Get rid of all traces of him every time you think about your ex, redirect that energy into something for you. 

Sarah Elizabeth  19:48

Justice doesn't have to just come from the universe. It can come from you. Use the power of the universe for you. Use your energy to get the universe working for you. To rebuild your life in a way that feels meaningful, and doing things that make you happy, even if they're just small, show yourself you don't need their downfall in order to rise. You can rise no matter what you get to rewrite your story. Remember so stop seeing yourself as the victim of their actions. Instead, see yourself as the bad ass protagonist of your own story. You're the one who gets the glow up, the freedom and the fresh start. Fuck yes. And actually, you know, what if? Instead, what if your growth, your healing, your glow up a karmas, real work. Think about it. While your ex might seem like their hashtag winning right now, true happiness doesn't come from new relationships or Instagram worthy bullshit. It comes from within. And let me tell you, nothing terrifies an unhealed person like your bastard ex, more than seeing you genuinely thrive. So instead of waiting for karma to punish him, ask yourself, How can I turn my pain into strength into power? Pain into power? How can I become someone I'm proud of how can I create a life that feels so good I stop caring about what happens to him? Maybe karma isn't about getting even sometimes. Maybe it's about you growing so much that their actions no longer affect you. It's also the concept of Karma being like a bank, like you're the sole signatory, the only one who can make deposits or withdrawals, the kindness, patience, happiness that you invest, they're your deposits, building up your balance over time. But the same goes for what you choose to withdraw, resentment, negativity, revenge, that's going to deplete your account and leave you less energy for the things that truly matter. You can't control what others add to or take from their own karma banks. You're in charge of yours. It's a self contained system where you decide what grows and what doesn't look I know this shit isn't easy. I know divorce feels like a wound that keeps reopening every time you see your ex moving on. But here's what I really want you to just remember. You can't control their karma. You can only control your own. You've got two choices. You stay stuck in the injustice, waiting for some cosmic payback, or you decide that you're done carrying the weight of what happens and start creating a life that feels good again. Which one you're going to choose? I hope by now you're choosing the second option. If so, my work here is done. Seriously, I do hope that that helps in some small way. I know it's so hard, I really do get it, but we do have a choice, and that's all I want you to take away from today. Take back your power, you absolute badass queen. 

Sarah Elizabeth  23:12

And if you do need a little extra belief in your power, you need to join us for February over in the divorce book club, because we are doing Know your worth. By Anna Mathur, seriously, this has got so much value in this book alone, a 10 hour to change your life and believe in yourself again. Geez. Could it be any more value for money? Get yourself over there, my loves. And back to this episode. If it has helped you, I'd love, love, love. If you could join in a little competition to win a 25 quid Amazon voucher. Actually, is it a competition? I don't know. Is it? Is it a draw? Surprise draw, whatever, whatever it is, if you could leave a beautiful review for the episode, wherever you listen to your podcast, preferably give it five stars as well, darling. And then this is the important bit. Take a screenshot of your review and send that screenshot to me. Sarah at the divorce book club.com Sarah at the divorce book club.com all the deets are in the blurb below this episode. And also tell me if you want the freebies too, and I'm more than happy to send them as well. And then at the end of March, I'm going to draw out a name to win a voucher. So good luck. And whether it's a competition or a draw or wherever, who knows, this is something you get to win, just like you're winning at life when your fucking ex really isn't winning the jack shit. Love. Oh, and also, I've made myself a note to say thank you. Thank you. Thank you to the lovely listener in Phoenix, Arizona who left me a podcast fan mail last week. Thank you. You said, I cannot tell you how amazing this episode was. You're absolutely amazing. As well. So thank you, because it actually made me cry. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I had a lovely DM on Instagram too, telling me that they listen to the pod as comfort when they're home alone. And that fills me with so much gratitude, like I'm so sorry for the pain of divorce that brought us all here, but I'm so thankful that we can together Turn this shit show into something so freaking amazing. So that's it for me from this week. Thank you, as always, for listening. If you do want to come over and follow me on the Instagram at the divorce chapter, I'd love love, love that too, but until next time when I will be back in your beautiful earbuds for more to smash this divorce journey. Until then, I'm sending you so much love. Go, be the badass You were always meant to be. Bye.