The Divorce Chapter

EP76 The 5 Second Rule: Divorce Edition

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 76

Share episode

Send us a text

đź’Ą What if 5 seconds could change your life?

This isn’t about dropping biscuits on the floor and pretending germs don’t exist 👀

Nope, we’re talking about Mel Robbins' The 5 Second Rule ….. the one that stops overthinking, boosts courage, and helps you make brave choices (even when you really don’t want to).

In this episode, I’m taking the 5 Second Rule and giving it a divorce twist …. because, let’s be real, navigating post-divorce life can feel like a never-ending f*cking blooper reel of cringe-worthy moments, regrets, and overthinking spirals.

So we’re looking at….
 âś”️ How the 5 Second Rule interrupts rumination (perfect for those "What if I'd done X differently?" moments)
 âś”️ How to shift from thinking to doing after divorce before fear has a chance to stop you
✔️ Why building micro-wins builds confidence and trust in yourself
✔️ Using 5 seconds of courage to set boundaries, stop stalking your ex, or write that dating profile

If you’ve ever stared at the ceiling at 2 a.m. replaying your marriage bloopers or procrastinated on reclaiming your life, this one’s for you.

✨ Think of this rule like a police escort for the traffic jam of crap in your brain, shouting "Outta the way, negative thoughts! We’ve got stuff to do!"

I hope you enjoy the episode, now 5-4-3-2-1 PLAY 🎧


And if you want a chance at winning a ÂŁ25 Amazon Gift Voucher, simply:

  1. Write a review of the episode wherever you listen to your podcasts.
  2. Screenshot your review
  3. Send the screenshot of the review AND tell me if you want either the free journal prompts to get your ex out your head or else the free guide to the top books to take you from heartbreak to healing after divorce (or both) and email all of this to sarah@thedivorcebookclub.com

Can’t wait to hear how you used the 5 Second Rule ✨

Loads of Love

Sarah x

🌸

P.S. Want to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem after divorce? Join The Divorce Book Club! February’s book is Know Your Worth by Anna Mathur, and trust me….it’s shaping up to be life-changing 

Literally, £10 a month (plus VAT) to CHANGE YOUR GODDAMN LIFE ⬇️

THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
 
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub

FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce

https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/

INSTAGRAM

https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter

Hola and welcome, welcome welcome to the divorce chapter podcast, the place where we take life after divorce and turn it into something fabulous, darling, kind of like turning a burnt cake into a tiramisu, apparently, it can be done. So this week, we're going to be looking at the five second rule. And, no, I don't mean the one where you eat a biscuit off the floor after dropping it and pretend that germs don't exist. Not that five second rule. No, we are talking about Mel Robbins five second rule, a brilliant hack that's part science, part Jedi mind trick and absolutely life changing. We did this book the five second rule in the divorce book club in January and wowsers. If nothing else, it's got me, a career snoozer in the mornings, out of Goddamn bed every freaking day, no pressing the alarm five times, no wallowing, no moaning. oh well actually perhaps just a little bit of moaning. But you know, so if you're thinking, how's this shit gonna help me survive divorce love, well, let me just say this, if 54321, counting backwards, from five can stop you sending that 3am text to the ex it's got to be worth a try, right? So grab a cuppa, get comfy, and let's talk about how this rule can help you interrupt overthinking, make braver choices, maybe even stop crying over the wedding photos. So let's do this in 54321, go.  Now, if you're like, What the fuck is she on this week? Why does she keep going 54321, well, that in a nutshell, my love, is the five second rule. Think of the five second rule as like a mental eject button, like when you drop the biscuit on the floor and decide it's still edible, but this is for your brain. Basically. Mel Robbins, if you don't know, is now an author motivational speaker, and she hosts the number one podcast in the goddamn world, the world. I mean, I'm number one podcaster in my house, which is my world. So just saying, but you know, seriously, she has done super well for herself, because she is now all of the above what I just said. But there was a time when life was pretty shit for Mel. In her words, she was 41 facing major problems with work, with money, her marriage, she was drinking too much and just generally not loving life. She was also stuck in a habit loop of struggling to get out of bed in the morning and hitting the old snooze button. And long story short, she's made a goddamn career out of what came next. So she says in the book. Then one night, everything changed. I was about to turn off the TV and head to bed when a television commercial caught my attention. There on the screen was the image of a rocket launching. I could hear the famous final five second, countdown, 54321, fire and smoke filled the screen and the shuttle launched. I thought to myself, That's it. I'll launch myself out of bed tomorrow like a rocket. I'll move so fast I won't have time to talk myself out of it, as she did well, otherwise she would never have written a book about it and be where she is now. But I digress. What happened when she did it the next morning and the next and the next and the next was that there was a domino effect on the rest of her life, which totally, and I mean totally, turned it all around. Now there's all sorts of science to back why it works because of habit loops and activation energy. And the locus of control and the basal ganglia and more. But what you need to know is, never mind why it freaking works, it interrupts negative patterns and forces the all important action to get shit done or just fucking do it, as became used quite a lot in the book club last month, just fucking do it. The book details seemingly endless examples of how and where it's been used, from a guy, Greg running 10 marathons with stage three freaking cancer. I now often think of Greg when I'm bitching over getting on the fucking treadmill in the mornings. There was a bloke chatting up a girl in a bar, a woman speaking up in a very important work meeting another guy speaking to a CEO, which changed the stretcher of his career. Potentially all thoughts there were loads, loads and loads and loads of examples. It's used for productivity, for procrastination, for beating anxiety and fear. It's used to improve your health, build confidence, or even just simply getting out of God and bed, which I can vouch for, it does have a seriously major domino effect on the rest of your life. So how can this shit be a game changer for post divorce life.  Well, this is the five second rule divorce edition. Now if you're here listening to this podcast, chances are you've Googled how to stop overthinking, you've stared at the ceiling at 2am and or you've replayed cringe worthy moments from your marriage like it's a fucking blooper reel or all of the above. Don't worry, you're in good company. Divorce is a boxy breeding ground for overthinking. You replay arguments, you dissect who was more at fault, and you generally spiral about whether you're die alone, surrounded by bloody cats. Only overthinking is a bit like sitting in a rocking chair. You're doing something, but you're actually not getting anywhere now, because counting backward, 54321, should shifts the brain from autopilot to decision making for overthinking, then the five second rule essentially interrupts that rumination in order to re engage the prefrontal cortex, part of the brain, which forces focus, decision making, conscious action. So because overthinking often traps you in this loop of repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. By counting backwards, you're interrupting that loop and shifting your focus, the countdown almost creates like a moment of mental clarity where you can choose a different path. And the countdown isn't just symbolic. It literally forces your brain to switch gears. It pulls you out of autopilot mode, and it makes you get immediate momentum. One of the biggest enemies of overthinking is inertia, the tendency to stay stuck in some kind of mental analysis, but not actually do fuck all when you count down and physically act whether it's getting up, making a call, writing something down, whatever it is, you immediately gain some momentum. And also, quite often, overthinking stems from fear, doubt, perfectionism, right? Counting down distracts your brain from all of those kinds of emotional blocks and pushes you into doing before the fear can take over. So if you catch yourself obsessing over some shit, worrying about the future, overthinking shit, count down, 54321, and physically. Shift your focus. Get up, go for a walk, write a plan for one small, productive task when you catch yourself. Spiraling over. What if I'd done X differently in the marriage? What if I'd done this differently? That differently? Said that not said that, count backwards. Then choose an action to refocus, whether it's journaling, making a cup of tea, calling a mate, whatever you need to do. Like I say counting backwards is a pattern interrupt that creates a sense of urgency, which triggers a shift from passive thinking to active doing, and that causes a physiological shift in your energy and oh, you know, like, if you feel a bit stagnant, you just get up and move to a different room or go and do something.  It changes your physiology, plus these micro wins build confidence, because every time you can stop yourself ruminating, or you can quit overthinking or overcome hesitation. Whatever it is you're using the rule for. Actually, every time you use it, you're reinforcing the belief that you can control your actions. You are on top of this shit, and because it's only five seconds, that short window, tiny window, limits the time your brain has to create excuses or talk you out of doing shit, because your brain will, it will try and talk you out of it. And that's where the thinking that that thinking loop, becomes such a bad habit, because your brain wants to keep you safe, it's going to talk you out of something that might feel a bit uncomfortable, but that five second window limits the opportunity your brain has to do that, because overthinking is a bit like being stuck in a traffic jam of thoughts. Everyone's honking the horns, nobody's freaking moving, and the sat nav just keeps going. Recalculating, recalculating, the five second rule is basically like a police escort suddenly clearing the way for you, shouting out the way. Negative thoughts this person's got shit to do. You know, suddenly you're moving forward, leaving everything behind, right?  That's what the five second rule does in your brain, with your thoughts, and it can also be used for overcoming the shoulda, woulda, coulda bullshit that we can fall into after a divorce show. You know, I should be over this by now. I should have fought harder for the marriage. I should have done this. I should have said that should have woulda, coulda. Divorce often comes with this VIP pass to a mental fucking circus of regrets in it suddenly your brain turns into some hyper critical talk show host interviewing you about what you did or didn't do. Why didn't you see this coming, if only you'd worked harder? Why aren't you over this yet everyone else is this inner chatter, sadly, bloody, thrives on judgment, guilt, unrealistic expectations, enter the five second rule, the mental eject button to get off the stage of self blame. So how does it work for the shoulda, woulda, coulda loops first again. It stops thought spiral. When that I should have done this. Thought pops up. No indulging that shit. 54321, boom, interrupt that loop. Say No, not today, Karen, because your inner critic does deserve a name. Apologies to any Karens out there. My inner critic is called Margot. She's a judgmental cow, so we have to shift her on. We move. Just remember when you're beating yourself up, you did your best with what you knew at that time, right?  And you can also use 54321 to flip the script. I should have fought harder for the marriage. 54321, becomes, I thought hard enough, and that's okay. I should be over this by now. 54321, goes into I'm exactly where I need to be. Or just like for overthinking, change the physiological state by doing something. So when you're midway through a wine induced spiral thinking, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? 54321, put the fucking wine down or not, but at least move i. Turn on Lizzo or Beyonce and remember you're fabulous, even with the so called mistakes. Darling, moving and doing shifts the physiology, just like hitting the dance floor after breakup, it snaps you out of that wallowing mode and reminds your body that life goes on when you move. Your brain gets the memo the only air quote should after divorce, you should give yourself credit for surviving a life plot twist that most people only read about in self help books. And you can also use the five second rule to make some really brave choices post divorce, because change is fucking hard, right?  Whether it's dating again, moving house, setting boundaries with the ex. Divorce pushes you out of your comfort zone into the freaking Wild West of uncertainty. It's like standing at the edge of a cold swimming pool. You're never gonna feel ready to jump in, but once you do, you realise you ain't going to die of hypothermia. The five second rule pushes you to act, to jump in before fear could stop you. And the book talks a lot about small acts of courage. It says everyday life is full of moments that are scary, uncertain, difficult, facing these moments and unlocking the opportunity magic and joy in your life requires tremendous courage. Inside every decision, there exists five seconds of courage that can change everything in our lives. So let's say for trying online dating after divorce, you stare at that dating profile, convince yourself no one will ever swipe right and almost close the app instead, 54321, write the fucking bio, or if it's like setting boundaries with the ex when they text something passive aggressive. Do you want to either unleash your inner dragon or completely ghost them? 54321, pause and either reply like the emotionally evolved, bad ass you are, or delete and block that works. Remember, unsubscribe, unsubscribing from that drama. This shit works. Another post divorce, way it can work is with rebuilding confidence and, importantly, self trust. Marriage might have given you a title of wife or partner, whatever divorce is like ripping the name tag off. You're left staring at yourself, going, so who am I now? I get it. It takes time to work out who you are now, who you're being, what you do, but back to those small acts of everyday courage. Counting backwards from five can help in so many micro ways, small ways, like getting out of bed on tough days, like choosing not to text your ex when you're really fucking lonely, like signing up for something new. It's those small steps. Think of rebuilding confidence as a bit like building a Lego Castle. Every five second decision is one brick. And yes, sometimes it feels like a toddler comes along and kicks the fucker down, but you keep building one brick at a time. So ever think about somewhere in your life you might have been avoiding, whether it's calling a lawyer, updating your CV to find a post divorce job, unfollowing the X on social media, whatever it is when the episodes finished, 54321, go and do That shit, build the evidence to yourself that you can, because you really bloody can.  This book had a whole chapter on procrastination, which I bloody need. But honestly, if you're procrastinating on a task, use the five second rule to initiate action. Count down and just start, even if you don't feel like it, because you're never going to feel like it. The book made that very, very clear, you're never going to feel like it, using the five second rule in January in the divorce book club for me, was so great in the mornings, but honestly, the domino effect is life changing because getting up means that I'm much more consistent than I was with my morning routine. It means I'm more consistent with my mindset work in the mornings. And it also means that instead of wallowing in bed, pressing snooze a million times, I get up and I exercise consistently those. Small acts of everyday courage, doing shit I would otherwise talk myself out of. I'd lay there and go, Oh, it might tell tomorrow. I can pull it off to tomorrow. Do it tomorrow. It makes you do shit, which also then means for me, I've built that trust in myself now, which has a knock on impact in so many other areas of my life. So it was great for the mornings and getting my ass out of bed, I think I said on virtually every book club episode last month, or even, is she but for complete transparency, I did need big time practice in remembering to use it for the other small acts of everyday courage, like procrastination, but practice what I preach. Because honestly, the more you use it, the more natural it just becomes. It really does. And when you start by applying it to low stake situations like getting your ass out of bed or just starting a simple task, you get more used to using it, which then gets you going for bigger challenges, right? So whether you want to stop overthinking, make braver choices, rebuild confidence, whatever it is, you're not just surviving divorce. You're transforming into the person you were always meant to be. It's always been in there. This is not like new life, new you. You're already there. We just need to find you again. And it all starts with a five second decision. So do have a go. Try the five second rule today, and do please share with me how you get on. I'd love to hear. I really would. And 54321, you should survived an episode with me rambling on about biscuits and small acts of cabbage. Well done, you.  And if you do want to go back and read the whole of the five second rule book, or listen to the episodes that came with each chapter. All of the past episodes, all of the past chapters with the divorce book club are available for all members. All the past books are you can go back and look at any of them at any time. Dip in and out whatever you need. And for February in the book club, we're doing, know your worth by Anna Martha and Oh my fuck, it is shaping up to be freaking one of the best. Seriously, there were golden, golden, life changing takeaways in the goddamn intro. In the intro, you do not want to miss this after your divorce if you're feeling shit about yourself, because this is the book to rebuild self esteem. Honestly, it really does seem to be the bullets. And I mean that in a good way, not a bad way. And why join the book club? I hear you ask, I can read a book on my own? Well, yeah, you can. But will you and more importantly, will you put that shit into action? You think about it. You're lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, replaying conversations in your head that you wish had gone differently because you haven't used the five second role, you find yourself scrolling endlessly on your phone looking for answers, trying to understand where it all went wrong and how the hell you're supposed to rebuild from here. On the outside, you're holding it all together. You're juggling the work, the kids, the friends life, but inside, there's this sense of being stuck, frustrated, maybe even a little lost, and every time you pick up a book, hoping for clarity, the advice sounds so good, but putting it into action is that bit that feels so goddamn overwhelming. You want the support, you want the understanding and a clear way forward. So picture this instead, right? It's one evening, Sunday evening, you're curled up with a book. But this time, it's different, because this time you're not alone, this time you're part of a group of women who get it, these women are walking the same path as you, sharing experiences, cheering each other on, helping each other turn ideas into action. For every chapter, you listen to a private podcast where the book's lessons come alive, peppered with real stories, practical tips, tools to integrate the ideas into your life. And bit by bit, chapter by chapter, your world begins to shift. You start setting boundaries that feel good. You reclaim your sense of self. You rediscover what joy looks like. For you, this ain't just a book club. It's a fucking lifeline, a community, a transformation, and that, my love, is why you should join the divorce Book Club. We're not about reading for the sake of it. We're about change. Every month we choose a book on divorce, relationships, personal growth, and we break it down into manageable, actionable steps and tackle the hard shit together, because information on its own does not change your lives. Action does, and when you have the right support, action becomes easier if you walked away with just one actionable insight a month, that's 12 game changing shifts a year. Can you imagine the compound effect of that, of what that could look like for you? Imagine the ripple effects on your confidence, your peace, your happiness, all for tenor a month, a goddamn tenor a month. I do not think you could get any more value than that. So 54321, get your ass to the link in the show notes below the episode, and come change your life with us.  And also while you're in the show notes below the episode, don't forget to review the episode for a chance to win a 25 quid Amazon voucher. All you got to do is write something beauts about the episode, and then this is the important bit, screenshot the review and email it to me, Sarah at the divorce book club.com and it's as simple as that, and in keeping with the theme of today, it will take you less than five seconds. So I hope you enjoyed that today. I hope you enjoyed that just another take on ways we can turn the divorce show into something freaking amazing, and I'm here for it. So until I am next back in your beautiful earbuds, I am sending you so much love. Bye, bye.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Sarah Elizabeth

Host