The Divorce Chapter

EP85 Burn the Script: Divorce Is Your Plot Twist, Not Your Ending

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 85

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In this week’s episode, we’re cracking open the metaphorical novel of your life post-divorce….. and spoiler alert: it’s time to stop re-reading the old chapters (yes, even the dramatic ones where your ex turned into a plot twist nobody asked for).

I look at the real reason you might feel stuck after your split: you're clinging to a story that no longer serves you. 

And while it's totally human to go full FBI agent on your past (“Was it the weird work trip?” “That sketchy ‘friend’?”), the truth is….. those pages are toast. Burnt. Gone. No amount of literary detective work is going to rewrite the ending.

But here's the plot twist YOU do get to write: the one where you become the main character again.

✨ We’re ditching the sad reruns and tackling:

✍️ Why your brain keeps rereading the bad chapters of your old life
✍️ How terrifying (and freeing) a blank page really is
✍️ Why rewriting your story doesn’t mean erasing the past… but owning the pen now
✍️ And how to create a badass next chapter with you as the heroine (main character activated ⭐)

So if you’ve ever found yourself staring at the blinking cursor of your future thinking, “Well, fuck. Now what?”......this one’s for you.

💥 Because, the story of you?
That one’s just getting good 🩷

Hope you enjoy (and if you do, PLEASE rate and review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐)

Loads of Love,

Sarah x

🌸

P.S. In April in the Divorce Book Club, we’re reading The Midpoint Plan by Gabby Logan

The blurb says it will help you to:

- keep yourself fit and healthy into older age

- keep your brain firing on all cylinders

- improve your sleep

- deal with anxiety

- thrive in your career

- navigate changing relationships (whether that's empty nests or aging parents)

- cope with illness and loss

- be a healthier, more productive, creative and happy older person

With a Midpoint Action Plan (MAP) at the end of each chapter, it contains all the tips and tricks, habits and practices you need for a positive mindset, a healthy body and a happy life. It's a must-have manual for all mid-life men and women.

So if you want to join us, check it all out HERE ⬇️

THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
 
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub

FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce

https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/

INSTAGRAM

https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter

Sarah Elizabeth  0:00  
Hola, hola. Welcome to the divorce chapter Podcast. I'm Sarah Elizabeth, and this is the place where we don't, no, we don't just survive divorce. We use it as the best goddamn plot twist of our freaking life. Yes, we do. And if you're a returning listener, you already know the vibe, we believe your post divorce glow up isn't just possible, it's inevitable, and today we're talking about a huge part of this glow up, rewriting your story after divorce. And no, I don't mean the bullshit stories your ex is telling everyone about you, because let's be real, that one is probably full of creative fiction. I mean, the one you tell yourself, because that my love is after the issue, we tell ourselves even more bullshit than the ex spouts sometimes, which is a lot. Now, in March, in the divorce book club, we read runaway husbands by Vikki Stark, which was a book that perfectly captures the absolute shitshow of being left suddenly and without warning. One minute you're discussing what to have for dinner, the next he's gone like some badly executed disappearing act, except instead of gasping, you know, you're standing there thinking, what the actual fuckity fuck just happened. But the reason I'm talking about it is because the book describes the recovery process using weather metaphors like moving from tornado level devastation to ice storms fog, thunderstorms all the way to the promise of a warm summer day. And whilst I love a good analogy, I love a good metaphor, and I love a good weather analogy, I think there's another way to look at it, another analogy that helps us make sense of this whole process, from shit show to glow up, because divorce doesn't just feel like surviving a storm or earthquake, as I called My own shit show. It feels like someone has ripped your life book apart mid fucking chapter. One minute, you're deep in the story, believing that you know exactly how the next pages are going to unfold, how this shits gonna end, and the next the book's been snatched out your hands, pages torn out, ripped apart, words erased. It's like someone's taken your happily ever after, tossed it in the bonfire, and now you're left staring at the ashes, thinking, Well, fuck now what? That's where we're gonna begin today. 

Because maybe you thought your love story was a fairy tale, but it instead turned into a horror movie with a plot twist you just didn't see coming. Maybe your ex walked away without a care, and you're left just staring at the mess, thinking, hang on, was I just an extra Fucking hell, wherever you are in this process, here's what I need you to hear today. This is not, absolutely not the end of your story. This is actually the beginning of a brand new chapter. And I know that sounds all motivational and all that, but in reality, it does feel like you're standing in front of a Word document with that little blinking cursor judging you like, Okay, so what's the plan? Then? What's going to happen, and that's exactly what we're looking at today, tackling divorce recovery as rewriting the story so to stop obsessing over the old story and how to actually start writing a new one, plus the biggie, how to make sure the next chapter is your absolute best Goddamn one yet, we are about to rewrite some shit. 

So first up, we need to deal with that endless rerun of your old story. Let's talk about that mental loop from hell, if your post divorce still waking up 2am replaying every argument you ever had with the ex. Welcome to being human. Your brain, in all its overachieving glory, has decided to act like a unpaid True Crime detective trying. To analyse every single moment of your past relationship, and I mean every fucking minute when your marriage ends, especially if it was unexpected, unwanted and or involved betrayal, your first instinct is to search for the missing pages, right? You combed through every memory, every conversation, every text message. Was it that weird shift in his energy last summer, all that work trip that he suddenly got too busy to check in, that friend that you always had a bad feeling about, you know what I mean? You reread those last intact chapters over and over and over again, convinced that if you just analyse the words enough, you'll uncover that moment, that one moment, that it all started falling apart. Because if you can figure that out, if you can just pinpoint exactly when and why the plot twisted, then maybe, just maybe, you can undo it, fix it, or at the very least make it make fucking sense. But here's the brutal truth, and I know it feels brutal right now, but no amount of reading and rereading is going to bring those pages back, none of it. And yet we try, fucking hell do we try? We play back those old conversations on a loop as if we might suddenly hear that hidden glow we miss the first time we rewrite the scenarios in our heads where we say something different, do something different, fight harder, be sexier, be less needy, whatever we think would have changed the outcome. And it's freaking exhausting, because you know what changes? Not a damn thing. It's like rereading the same book, hoping the last page is going to magically be different, trying to change our ended deleting that last bit. It won't change a thing, and yet we cling to the old story, because even if it absolutely fucking sucked, it was familiar. I didn't want my marriage to end, even after he'd hit me, after he financially and emotionally abused me, you know, and even if your ex was also a walking, breathing human disaster. 

At least you knew the script right? Now though, now you're standing at the edge of a blank page, and that blank page is fucking terrifying. Blank pages suck, right? It's why people get writer's block. It's why we stare at menus too long when we don't know what to order. It's why we stay in terrible relationships, because at least we know what to expect that fucking at least. But it was better than the scary alternative now, now, though your life's a blank, bloody page, no clear instructions, no predictable routine, no one else's needs, shaping your decisions, just you, only you, and at first, that is fucking paralysing. If your marriage lasted years, maybe even decades, you had a role, a script, a partner. And now, instead of that, you're staring into this void of endless possibilities. And somehow, instead of feeling excited, you feel like you're floating in fucking space without a tether. Who am I now? What do I even like doing? Am I just gonna die alone with a cat and a collection of inspirational mugs and look, I love a good cat, but let's not make them the entire plot line. Love the part that sucks to hear, I know it does, but the part that really sucks is that the book you were writing together is over full stop. The book's done, not maybe salvageable, not if you try hard enough, not if he wakes up and realises he's made a fuck off massive mistake. It's over, and I know it's shit. It's completely shit, but that's the deeply unfair part of all this, innit. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. You didn't get a say in the ending. You didn't get to turn the last page and think, Oh yeah, that ended well, that wrapped up well. You were ripped out the story mid fucking sentence and all. All you want to do is submit an editorial complaint to the universe about the absolute bullshit of it all. You didn't sign up for plot twists like this. I know you didn't, and yet here you are now. You have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life rereading a book that will never, ever, ever change, or you can write new one. Yeah, nobody does tell you how hard it is with a blank page. Nobody tells you how fucking terrifying it is to be staring at that blank page. No co author, no predictable plot line, just space and that space, yes, it's overwhelming, because at least in your old book, even if it was falling apart, you knew what came next. Now you don't even have a fucking chapter title. And so instead of writing saying New you do what all humans do when faced with the unknown, you panic, you resist, you consider bargaining with the universe. If I just you try to check the process by keeping one foot in the old story. Maybe you stay emotionally hooked on the ex, stalking his social media, tracking of his dating, analysing his every move, because if he still looks miserable, maybe that means the story's not over. Or maybe you stay stuck in the identity of someone who's been wronged, angry, bitter, replaying your grievances. But the problem is, you cannot write a new chapter while still gripping on to the old one.

But, but here's the thing, no one has their next chapter figured out right away. Nobody as their shit together on page fucking one. You know, not a single person, but the people who move forward, they don't wait for a perfect plan. They start anyway, even when it's messy, even when they're scared, even when they have no clue what comes next? Because the truth is, you don't need a perfect plan. You just need momentum. And this is the moment you take the pen back. Maybe you do start dating again. It's awkward as hell. Welcome to modern day in maybe you try a hobby and you suckle it. But who cares? Maybe you move to a new place, and for a while it feels weird and lonely again, normal. The point is you don't have to know exactly where your story is going. You just have to be brave enough to start writing it, and that's uncomfortable at first. I get it. You'll try things. Some of them won't feel right. You'll have days where you miss your old life, even if you know it wasn't good for you, that's okay. The key isn't to get it right is to keep moving forward anyway, even if it means deleting the last paragraph. So think about it. We've talked about letting go of that old story. We've talked about facing the blank page, starting even when you're unsure. Just start writing, even if it's shit at first. At some point, you've got to pick up the damn pen and writes that make anything on the blank page. It doesn't have to be a best seller. Doesn't have to be a masterpiece, not first just a sentence. Maybe he is as simple as I don't know what's next, but I know I won't stay stuck in this chapter forever. It's gonna feel forced. You'll second guess everything. You'll wonder if you ever find your rhythm again, and those first few sentences might be messy. They might be awkward, full of typos. You might start and stop 100 times, but I promise you, with each new paragraph, it gets easier. You edit the shit out of the old version of yourself. You cut the parts where you ignored the red flags and made yourself small. That shits gone that shits not going forward. You introduce new characters, friends who lift you up, people who remind you how fucking amazing you are. 

You experiment with unexpected plot twists, try new things, travel, say yes to what excites you, fuck yes. If it's not a fuck yes, it's a No, hell no to what drains you. You stop writing your story as a tragedy and start writing it as a goddamn fucking rebirth. Maybe your old book was a domestic drama now it's a comeback story. So let's talk about how to make this next chapter fucking incredible, because you are not just surviving divorce, not on my watch, not on my watch. Love. You are rewriting your goddamn life. And if you're gonna do that, let's do it by let's freaking do it right. So. 

So rule number one, main character energy only if you've been cast as the side character in your own life for years. It's time to take the lead. That means no more waiting for someone to come save you. You're the hero now, right? No more people pleasing, just to keep the peace. No more playing small main characters. Don't shrink to fit in. They own their space. Own it. Ask yourself, if your life was a movie adaptation of your life story, what kind of main character you're going to be? Would you be the fearless adventurer who moves someone new and reinvents themselves. Would you be the bad ass entrepreneur who builds something incredible? Would you be the glowing, thriving person who finally prioritises themselves? Your story is yours to tell some makers of the fucking Star Lord 

And rule number two, rewrite the narrative about yourself. One of the biggest challenges after divorce isn't just losing the relationship, it's losing the version of yourself that existed inside that relationship. You might still be telling yourself outdated stories, like I'm too old to start over life. Life isn't over at 30, 40, 50, even 60, 70, you're still here, so let's fucking go. You might say shit like, I failed at marriage. You didn't fail. It ended. There's a difference, or I'm not good enough to be loved again. Biggest lie of all. Love is everywhere. When it starts with you, loving you, it's time to rewrite those narratives. When you hear a negative thought about yourself, ask yourself, would I say this to my best mate? If the answer is no, then you don't get to say it to yourself anymore. Rewrite the script. Say nicer stuff, like I am worthy of a beautiful life. I'm learning, growing, evolving every single fucking day. My past does not define my future, because the words you say to yourself, they become your new story. If you want a happy ever after, you've got to create that babes. You have to create it. 

Which brings me on to rule number three, stop writing chapters for people who aren't in the book anymore. Listen, I get it. I really, really do. It's really fucking hard to let go of someone. It was such a huge part of your story. Maybe they were the hero, maybe they were the main character. But if someone isn't part of your future, they don't get to occupy space in there forever. So stop rereading old text, stop stalking their social media, stop wondering if they're thinking about you. They might be, but guess what? Doesn't change anything. If they were meant to be in your story, they would be. They're not harsh, maybe, but that's the way it is. So now your job is to focus on the people and experiences that are in your next chapter. Just fucking start write a single sentence, even if it's something as simple as today, I choose myself because that's a damn good opening line, and 

let's talk about something else no one tells you about rewriting your story the good bit, because there is a moment, maybe months from now, maybe years, when you'll wake up and realise you are no longer the person who was left behind. You're no longer the person who was abandoned, rejected, hurt, betrayed. You're someone new now, someone's stronger, someone who rebuilt themselves from the ground up. One random Tuesday, you're going to wake up and think, holy shit, I'm actually happy. Not pretend happy, not fake it, till you make it happy, actual deep, real happiness. Because here's the thing, you were not supposed to be a supporting character in someone else's story. You were always meant to be the fucking author, the star. And when that moment comes, when that random moment comes in the future, you won't want to go back to the old book, because for the first time, you are going to realise that plot twist did not ruin your life, it gave you a brand new story, and this time, you're in charge, you're the hero. So here's my challenge for you today, stop waiting for the old book to make sense, stop trying to reread it. It, analyse it, replay it, wishing you could rewrite it instead, pick up the damn pen and start writing a future that is bigger, bolder, more beautiful than you ever thought possible. If you take only one thing from today, let it be this. Your story is not over, absolutely not over. Divorce is not the ending, it's the turning point, and you you get to decide what happens next.

Write a life that feels exciting, joyful, true to you, because the best chapters, honestly, they're still ahead of you. This next chapter, it belongs to you, so go do something amazing with it, right, right? I hope that little analogy metaphor has helped to reframe this process a bit, because you really can turn the shit show into a glow up, turn the plot twist into happy ever after. You totally 100% can, right, and if you are ready to start writing that next chapter, but needs a little bit of inspiration along the way, I've got you covered. 

Always got your back, babes, I've got together a free guide to the 10 best books to heal from a heartbreak and rewrite your story, the kind of books that don't just help you move on, but help you level the fuck up. Because this isn't just about healing, it's about becoming that main character of a life you actually love, love, love. So grab your free guide at the divorce book club.com All the links are in the show notes. Let's please, please, please, please, turn this next chapter into your best one. Yet, what if actually losing him opens up space for so much more? Huh? So get excited. In the words of Natasha Bedingfield, the rest is still unwritten, so make it amazing. Let's fucking go. And I'd love, love, love it if you could share this episode on the old socials and tag me at the divorce chapter so we can see everyone's fabulous new chapters. And that's it for me today, for this chapter, the divorce chapter for now, I will be back in your beautiful earbuds next time. So until then, I am sending you so much love. Go for it. Bye, bye.

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Sarah Elizabeth

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