The Divorce Chapter

EP88 Books That Actually Fixed Our Sh*t After Divorce: A Year of Badassery, Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 88

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Hello my loves…..and welcome back to The Divorce Chapter podcast 🩷

Today is a BIG one because we’re celebrating a whole YEAR of The Divorce Book Club 🎉 

That’s 12 months, 12 books, and countless breakthroughs, breakdowns AND badassery that totally sorted our sh*t 📚

Whether you’ve been part of it, dipped in and out, or just stalked lovingly from the sidelines…. this has been so much more than a book club. It’s been therapy in disguise. Healing wrapped in a paperback. Self-development with a highlighter (pink, obvs).

In this episode, we take a trip down memory lane through every book we’ve read in Year One, sharing…..

✨ Key takeaways 

✨ Favourite quotes 

✨ Life-changing moments

Because let’s be honest …. divorce doesn’t come with a manual.

But if it did? It would probably look a lot like this.

So enjoy the episode for ALL the inspiration. 


🎉 PLUS: Celebrate with us!

We’re kicking off Year Two with May’s book:
How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse by Caroline Strawson

If you’ve ever doubted yourself, walked on eggshells, or questioned your reality…. this one's for YOU.

Join the Divorce Book Club now and get 50% OFF your first month using the code BIRTHDAY50 ⬇️

✨ Private podcast episodes

✨ Supportive community

✨ Reflection prompts

✨ Access to all past book insights

Because healing hits differently when you’re not doing it alone.

Here’s to the next chapter. And the one after that. And the one where you finally say.... "Look at me now, you absolute waste of space" 

Sending you SO much love,

Sarah x

🌸

THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
 
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FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Divorce Book Club, self-help books, healing, self-worth, infidelity, emotional resilience, self-care, toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, personal growth, midlife transition, trauma bonds, self-discovery, relationship recovery, emotional healing.

SPEAKERS

Sarah Elizabeth


Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello, my loves, and welcome back to the divorce chapter podcast. Now, today's episode is a bit of a super special one, because we are celebrating a very juicy milestone. Yes, we are the divorce book club just turned one. Yep. For the past 12 months, we've read one book a month on healing, heartbreak, self worth, reinvention, midlife, glow ups and everything in between. And honestly, I'm so proud of every single one of us who made it through a year of reading something other than ex texts. And Whatsapp group drama.... You know? We've cried. Well, I have. We've highlighted entire chapters. We've shared, what the fuck moments, and we've come out the other side, stronger, wiser, definitely more well read and well rounded than when we started. So whether you read along with every book or just joined in for one or even just stalked from the sidelines. I want you to know this is way more than a book club. It's fucking therapy in disguise. It's self development wrapped up in a paperback. It's healing with a highlighter. Pink obvs. So today, I thought we'd go on a little trip down memory lane, where I'll be sharing the key takeaways from every book we've read in the first year, some favourite quotes and the moments that made us collectively shout holy fuck that's me, because, let's be honest, divorce doesn't come with a manual, but if it did, it might just look like the past 12 months of the divorce book club. Just saying. So let's dive in, then to the books, the breakthroughs and the beautiful chaos of year one. And look, if you get to the end of this episode and think, God, I need this, just wait till you hear about May's book, but we'll get to that. 


Sarah Elizabeth  02:23

So let's start at the very beginning, may 2024 with the queen of sass and sanity herself, the Chump lady. This was our debut book, leave a cheater gain a life by Tracy Schorn, aka Chump lady and shit. We started strong with this one. This book was like a slap in the face and a warm hug all at once. Yep, Tracy Schorn doesn't sugar coat a goddamn thing, and we love her for it. Her message is that cheating is a choice, not a mistake, as she says, we don't have the superpower to compel people to act. They and only they, are responsible. People who care about you and your feelings. Do not mindfuck you, only guilty people do that, and people with nothing to hide, hide nothing. Now I did a whole episode on this book, and actually someone in the Chump nation Facebook group shouted it out as a great overview. So do go back and check out that episode, which was 41 if you want more than I'm giving you today. But honestly, this book is an absolute game changer for those of us who've experienced infidelity and who are maybe holding out for some kind of unicorn reconciliation, because we still believe the bullshit the cheaters say, even though they've proved beyond reasonable doubt, Your Honour, that they can't tell the truth for love, nor fucking money, or as Tracy Schorn says, We spackle over the bullshit and we have a bad dose of hopium sickness. The biggest takeaway, stop untangling the skein of fucked upness or fuck up-edness, however you want to say it. Stop analysing why they cheated, what it means? What childhood trauma caused it? Stop. It doesn't matter. Our story is ours now, and Tuesday is waiting. And by that she says that when she's asked, When will the pain stop? She replies. On Tuesday. I don't know which Tuesday it'll be. I only know that your Tuesday is out there waiting for you, not revenge, not forgiveness either, when she goes in, talking about that in a lot of depth, but just just, I'm done. This was the book that gave us permission to stop being detectives and start being the CEO of our own goddamn recovery. And also shout out to Tracy for giving us the immortal line. They aren't confused. They're just assholes. Oh yes. Utterly brilliant, brilliant book to start off our year of transformation. 


Sarah Elizabeth  03:33

Now next up, we had the art of being alone by Renuka Gavrani. This one was, not gonna lie, a bit of a challenge, as it was. Well, it was more aimed at younger people in their 20s who'd never been married, let alone divorced. So it was a bit harder. It was a bit of a challenge, but the themes still kind of cut deep. It wasn't just about being single, it was about learning to be with ourselves. And the biggest takeaway, as we all know and we say over and over and over again, loneliness and aloneness are not the same thing, and the book teaches us that the world doesn't end when we're on our own. You know, when a relationship ends, we think that's it, it's all over, but sometimes, actually, it's just the beginning. Solitude becomes the sanctuary, and we can get to romanticise our lives, which is a concept I'm always going all about because I bloody love, love, love, it going through life as though a film crew is following you about main character, leading lady, energy and all that, all that shizzle, because being alone is not a curse. We get to choose ourselves and actually, this book also gave us something that I think has been a theme, maybe even a warning, actually running through pretty much every single book we've read this year in one way or another, in different voices and different volumes, they've all said the same thing, put the bloody phone down. Now, whether it was subtle, Savage, gentle or blunt, every author we've read this year has waved a little red flag at our relationship with our screens, from leave a cheater, gain a life, telling us to stop stalking the ex's social media like it's a Netflix thriller, to the self care project, reminding us that Doom scrolling is not it's Not a form of rest. There's just been this whole almost collective reminder that your nervous system can't heal if it's being fried by constant notifications that no book can change your life if you keep closing it to check who's viewed your Insta story, and that we can't truly rebuild our lives if all of our energy is going into digital stalking, rereading old texts and Googling, is he dating again at 2am we've all done it. We've all done it. We've all had that post breakup moment or moments where we think the answers or the closure is hiding in someone's tagged photos, but the truth is, healing rarely is going to happen through a screen. It happens in the pause between the distractions, in the quiet after the scroll, in the choice to pick up a book instead of your goddamn phone and actually freaking reading it. So maybe, actually, that's been the silent hero of the book club this year, if it helps you put your phone down and pick yourself up instead. That's a win, right? 


Sarah Elizabeth  09:38

Okay, so next up, after the art of being alone July, and we had how to do you by Jacqueline Hurst, and fuckity fuck this one was like having a life coach in your goddamn handbag. So good. I mean, so good. Jacqueline Hurst is all about mindset and emotional responsibility, and this book really helped us move from what is happening to me to what do I want to do about it? And that came with the book's biggest takeaway, huge, learning. Your thoughts create your feelings. Yep, everything you see in your outer world right now started with your thoughts. So if you want to change your reality, you have to change your internal shenanigans. We have the ability to change the scripts by changing our thoughts. No one, no one can control your thoughts for you, only you. And ultimately, as harsh as it may sound, we have to take accountability for that own our shit, not stay in that victim mentality. Poor me. He's done this, he's done that. And I absolutely love the way Jacqueline Hurst helps with this. And there were also a shit tonne of like practical journal prompts and stuff to guide your way through so many nuggets, so many nuggets from how to do you, including that, not everyone deserves a seat at your table just because they bought a fucking chair. 


Sarah Elizabeth  11:35

And we followed that with another game changer. It's not you. By Dr Ramani Durvasula.. Now this one's an absolute mic drop of a book for anyone who's ever been with a narcissist, or even just someone who made them feel less than Dr Ramani peels back all the layers on toxic relationships and reminds us that it's not you, it's them, but also it is you when it comes to responsibility, because it's your responsibility to heal. Ouch, again, harsh, but necessary. We talked about trauma bonds, manipulation tactics, the way that narcissists weaponise kindness. This was one of the books that made half of us highlight every single bloody sentence like this gem, you cannot love someone out of being toxic. There was a lot of detail about the different types of narcissist, grandiose, vulnerable, communal, self, righteous, neglectful, malignant. Took us far deeper than the usual, covert and overt narcissism. And talking of deep that was one of my most favourite takeaways in dealing with a narc. Don't go deep. D, defend, E, explain, E, engage, P, personalise. So don't defend, don't explain, don't engage, don't personalise, don't go deep. And again, because this one had so much for us in dealing with the narcs in our lives, whether that's the ex or anyone else. I did a whole episode on this, which was episode 54 so do go back and check that out. But the overriding message in this book was that it's not you, it's them. And also don't burn your umbrellas, as in when you're in the sunshine, love bombing, hoovering, stage of the cycle with a narcissist. You think you're in the sun, you think you're shining. You think that's it, but there will surely come again the shitty rain and storms with the devaluation and discard. So don't burn your brolly love. 


Sarah Elizabeth  14:04

Now in September, we read getting past your breakup by Susan Elliott, which was a bit of an underrated one, actually, that should come with its own set of tissues. Susan Elliott gave us structure, strategy and the emotional support that we didn't even know we fucking needed, like highlighting the seven excuses we make, but that keep us stuck in the shit show. Number one, why can't we just be friends? We could be friends. Let's just be friends. Number two, but I need the closure. I can't move on until I've had that closure. Number three, I just need to make sense of it all, and I need to understand it, or I just need to tell him this one more thing. Number four, but what if he changes his mind? I want to be available from reconciliation, don't I? Number five, I just need to give him his stuff back, honest. That's it. I just wanna give his stuff back. That's all. Number six, I'm just so bloody horny. I need a shag vibe. You know it? And number seven, we run in the same circle, so I can't help but seeing him, they're the seven excuses that we make, but keep us stuck. Anyone else feel seen right now? Getting past your breakup does encourage us to see our loss as actually being our gain, and reminds us as well that love is as love does. And the biggest takeaway is a grief is not a weakness. It's proof you give a damn. So Susan Elliot gives us practical steps, the No Contact Rule, the breakup journal writing letters you don't send. We all felt like we were doing some kind of breakup rehab, but in the best way. 


Sarah Elizabeth  16:16

And we then went on to do a more holistic vibe with how to feel better by the lovely Ruth Kudzi. Now this was the gentle one, the book equivalent of a weighted blanket and a cup of tea. And Ruth reminds us that it's okay to not feel amazing all the time, that emotional resilience doesn't mean toxic positivity. It means feeling it all and knowing it won't break you. And the biggest takeaway Your feelings are data, not directives, and just like Jacqueline Hurst, Ruth Kudzi, reminds us that we get to choose our future, and to do that, the book gave us a shit tonne of practical exercises to work out where we're at right now. Get clear on what the fuck we want and how to make a plan to get there and embed the change another life coach in your handbag. One, honestly, was brilliant. 


Sarah Elizabeth  17:22

Then we had a bit of a different one, in that it was part autobiography, part self help book with how to heal a broken heart by the lovely Rosie green. And Rosie's book was, quite honestly, like reading a diary that could have been mine. It was so freaking raw and relatable and yet so healing. She gave us almost permission to feel sad, messy, hopeful, petty, powerful, sometimes all in the same goddamn chapter. And the biggest takeaway was that your lowest point is actually your turning point. What a different way of looking at it? Or, as she says, Do you want to be the person who rose like a phoenix from the flames or the person who sank like a sack of King Edwards? Exactly right. And I loved as well that Rosie gave us a list of book recommendations at the end of each chapter, which gave a great boost to the TBR, the to be read list. And one of those books is one I also love, albeit we haven't done it yet in the book club loving what is by Byron Katie and in how to heal a broken heart, Rosie green used that book to say this, when we are in a relationship and we disagree about something, why do we need them to know they're wrong? Why can't we just be content with knowing our standpoint. It's about self belief, something so many of us will have lost acceptance. Is not about proving them wrong or mad or horrible. It's about knowing we are good people. It's about our relationship with ourself, yep, another book advocating radical acceptance. And may honestly that shit is huge for healing, huge it really is


Sarah Elizabeth  19:35

Now for the crimbo month we did the self care project by Jayne Hardy and this book reminded us that self care is not just bubble bath and candles. It's boundaries. It's asking for help. It's knowing what you need before you fucking crash. Now Jayne Hardy held up a big, shiny light. Okay on that, it's difficult to care for someone and nurture them if we don't like them, isn't it? You don't want to care for someone you don't like, and then if you don't like yourself very much, then you probably aren't affording yourself the opportunity to care and nurture yourself. How true is that? And the biggest takeaway from this book was that self care is a necessity, not a luxury, and you have to be intentional about self care, otherwise it just ain't going to happen. Also, another takeaway now is a full sentence, especially at Christmas. 


Sarah Elizabeth  20:48

Now we started the new year with a bang and Mel Robbins yelling numbers at us in the five second rule, 54321, get out of bed. 54321, make the call 54321, stopped texting the ex. This one was pure motivation and bloody loved it. I gotta say again, did a five second rule divorce edition in Episode 76 so check that out. And oh, the biggest takeaway you don't need to feel ready, because you'll never feel ready. You just need to fucking start just fucking do it, which ironically, is the title from another one of my faves, Noor Hibbert, and we're totally going to do one of her amazing books in year two or three, I promise you now 


Sarah Elizabeth  21:44

Back to year one and February, and this one has to be one of my favourites. In fact, I'm adding it to the free guide to the 10 best books to read to heal from heartbreak. There were so many nuggets and takeaways. I did an episode on this one and all because it was honestly a life changing book. That was episode 82 it was life changing, especially if, like me, you've struggled your whole life feeling less than feeling not good enough, not worthy enough. Know your worth by Anna Mathur, this absolute beaut of a book was a big loving pictubitch slap, but in a lovely, lovely way, and reminding us that self worth isn't something you earn, it's something that you remember. Anna is like a warm hug in book form, which probably showed in how much I bloody cried my bawled me eyes out in Book Club, private podcast episodes, jeez, I cried. Her words just there's something in them that touch deep, that you can really grab hold of and quiet the inner critic and just, you know, speak to ourselves with more kindness, with some compassion. Show ourselves compassion. We're so compassionate to everyone else, but rarely ourselves. Why? What is that? And the biggest takeaway for Know your worth? Oh, my God, there are loads. There are loads. You are not too much. You are just not for everyone. Healthy Love does not require you to give yourself away. The more you're known, the more potential you have to be loved. What you've been through, shapes who you are, but it doesn't have to define you or this one, this juicy one, nobody else's feedback makes you worth more or less than you already. Words shared by the right people can be helpful, thoughtful, supportive, encouraging, affirming, challenging, but they do not make you worth more, just like shitty negative feedback does not make you worth less. Know your worth, life changing book that I cannot praise enough, and that was also because it was so damn good, a massively difficult one to follow, 


Sarah Elizabeth  24:35

But follow we did with runaway husbands by Vikki Stark. This one was personal for a lot of us. I'd actually done an earlier pod episode on this one in Episode 25 way, way, way before we did it in the book club. It's a really classic book to support betrayal, trauma and Vikki Stark breaks down sudden spouse abandonment. And validates the hell out of it. And the biggest takeaway from that is you didn't miss the signs. There often weren't any this book, which was also good for anyone experiencing infidelity, whether that was sudden abandonment or otherwise, the book just made us feel less crazy, less alone, and way more fucking powerful by the end. And also in this book, I love the weather metaphor. It because it kind of took us through the divorce show. It was like the tsunami, then tornado, then thunderstorm, followed by ice storm, then fog, and eventually to the odd Sun shower into early spring and then finally, finally to warm summer day. It totally, totally sums up the journey of this over, and also with it, Vikki Stark gave us a huge bag of tricks to get the fuck through it. 


Sarah Elizabeth  26:11

And finally, we've just finished April with the midpoint plan by the lovely Gabby Logan, who reminds us that midlife is not a crisis, it's an opportunity. And the biggest takeaway, you can be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, but you got to look after yourself. We got practical, visionary, re inspired. We had midpoint action points at every chapter. We looked at what's going on in our minds, what's going on in our bodies, what's going on in our lives. Honestly, it covered everything. We covered mental health, midlife crisis, fitness, nutrition, beauty sleep, illness, hormones, alcohol, style, love and sex, family, friends, loss, worker, money, seriously, everything, all of which has shown us that our lives are not freaking over. They're just beginning. Or as I keep seeing on Instagram lately, instead of turning 50 and wishing you right in again and wishing you could start your life all over again. Pretend you're 90, and pretend you've woken up at 50 again, and you magically get a second chance to relive the next 40 years love. So there, that's it. There you have it, a whole year of healing growth. What the fuck moments and dog eared pages. The divorce book club is about turning pain into power page by page. 


Sarah Elizabeth  27:49

We're not just reading books. It's not just about reading full stop. It's about rebuilding rebuilding your confidence, rebuilding your identity, rebuilding a life that actually fits the new you, not who you were before, not who people expect you to be, but who you're becoming now. So here's to year two, and all the chapters still to freaking come. If you've been with us from the start, I love you. If you just joined, hello. If you're not in the club yet, this is your sign. Plus, if you join now, you get 50% off your first month for our birthday using the code birthday, 50 all the deets that you need to know are in the show notes, because honestly, healing hits so fucking different when you're not doing it alone. It truly does. Every month we go all in on like a really powerful book about divorce, healing, self worth, relationships, and now we're into May our members, choice is a serious must have. If you've ever felt trapped in a toxic dynamic as our birthday month, we're going all in on how to heal after narcissistic abuse by the amazing, amazing Caroline Strawson. This is a trauma informed roadmap to reclaim your life, rebuild your self worth, and finally, feel like you again. It's going to help us understand narcissistic dynamics. It's going to help us break trauma bonds and emotional ties. It's going to help us rewire nervous system. It's going to help us rebuild our identity and confidence and finally, feel seen and validated and powerful. So if you've ever doubted your memory in a relationship, if you've ever felt like you were the problem, if you've ever walked on eggshells to avoid conflict, feel like you've lost your sense of self, then this one's for you, my love in the divorce book club, you get a private podcast episode per chapter. You get a supportive Facebook community. You get journal prompts, reflection tools, a say in what we read each month, access to the past, books and insights, and above all, a space to feel seen, to feel heard, empowered, and most importantly, the transformation from heartbreak into a version of you your ex would no longer recognise or fucking deserve. Transformation from a heartbreak into a woman who turned rock bottom into a bloody trampoline. Here for that love, Here for it. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for celebrating our first of many book club birthdays with me for being here, for listening to this divorce chapter as well for being truly fucking amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, and I will be back in your beautiful earbuds next week, but for now, go pick up a book, because your next breakthrough might just be on page one. Loads of love. Bye.

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Sarah Elizabeth

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