The Divorce Chapter

EP92 The Healing Chapter: When Divorce F*cks With Your Body Too

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 92

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Divorce didn’t just break your heart…. it f*cked with your body too. In this raw episode, we explore how trauma impacts your nervous system, your gut, your energy, and how to start healing from the inside out.


Ever felt like divorce didn’t just break your heart…. but also wrecked your body?

Same. Same.

In this powerful and honest episode, I’m talking about the side of healing no one ever warns you about… when trauma shows up in your nervous system, your gut, your energy, your immune system, and your ability to function like a normal bloody human.

After being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease following the stress of my divorce, I realised what so many of us are living through….

 ⚠️ Constant fight/flight/freeze/fawn
 ⚠️ Anxiety in the body
 ⚠️ Fatigue, flare-ups, inflammation
 ⚠️ Shame about not “bouncing back” fast enough

This episode talks you through…

 🔥 What happens to your nervous system during chronic stress
 🔥 Why symptoms like brain fog, IBS, and exhaustion are not in your head
🔥 What healing actually looks like….emotionally, physically, and even financially
🔥 The importance of rebuilding self-trust and nervous system safety
🔥 How books and community (aka the Divorce Book Club) become healing tools

It’s raw. It’s personal. It’s practical.
And if your body has been screaming louder than your ex lately…. this one’s for you.

And for more healing…. This month’s Book Club pick 📚 

Confidence Feels Like Sh*t on Amazon UK* by Erika Cramer (aka The Queen of Confidence)

We’re reading it in the Divorce Book Club this June…. and it’s already giving Hot Girl Healing vibes. 

Join us for private podcast episodes, book breakdowns, community, and zero tolerance for fluffy healing BS.

Check it out below ⬇️


💖 Like this episode?

Please do tag me @thedivorcechapter on Instagram and tell me your biggest takeaway…. or forward it to the friend who’s feeling it in her body too.

Sending you all the healing vibes,

Sarah x

🌸

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Divorce healing, emotional healing, physical healing, chronic illness, Crohn's disease, trauma, nervous system, stress, financial healing, self-worth, boundaries, rest, community, book club, confidence.

SPEAKERS

Sarah Elizabeth

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hola, my loves, and welcome back to the divorce chapter the podcast, where we unpack the messy, magical, fucked up, sometimes, process of healing after heartbreak, where we stop pretending everything's fine. We call out the bullshit and rewrite the most powerful chapter of our lives. If you're new here, hello, you've totally landed in the right place. If your heart's still a bit sore, your brain won't stop spiralling at two in the morning and you're trying to piece yourself back together after a relationship that nearly broke you. You are in the right place. If that is you, I'm your host, Sarah Elizabeth, divorce coach, mentor, and also chronic illness warrior, which brings me on to today's episode. It's one I've thought about doing for a while, because getting over heartbreak isn't always just about the emotional healing. There is emotional healing too obvs, because of the spirals, the shit, self worth, the identity crisis. But it also might be mental healing with anxiety and triggers. It might even be financial healing because of the stress spiral of money post divorce. But the main healing I wanted to concentrate on today is the physical healing. Because it can be about physical healing too. Chronic Illness, gut health, that quiet, relentless shit your body goes through when your life falls a fucking parts. So why am I talking about this today? Well, I am because last week, on the 19th of May, it was World IBD day, inflammatory bowel disease, not IBS IBD. It's different. And if you didn't know, I I live with Crohn's disease. That makes it sound a bit like Crohn's is a person I live with. I live with Crohn's. I don't live with anybody. I experience Crohn's disease. I have Crohn's disease, which I 100% believe. Was triggered by the stress and trauma of my divorce. Now I'll let the scientists argue about the technicalities of that statement, but one thing I do know, when you're under emotional siege, Your Body Keeps the Score and mine fucking read it aloud, didn't it? Now, I'm not a doctor, and I most definitely will not be dishing out medical advice, but I am someone who's lived through the emotional wreckage of divorce and the physical toll of it landing in my fucking gut. And if you're listening to this with a chronic illness or even just a body that won't stop shouting at you, this one's for you. 

Sarah Elizabeth  03:34

Because here's the thing about trauma, it's not just in your head. It's in your cells, in your gut, in your immune system. It's in the headaches, the exhaustion, the flare ups that show up at the worst possible time. Divorce didn't just break my heart, it broke my immune system. I thought I was coping, showing up to work, parenting, getting shit done, but my body was quietly screaming, and phones came and knocking like, hi, you can't outrun this, and maybe you feel the same. Maybe you're listening to this thinking, Why am I always so fucking exhausted, even after eight hours Kip. Why am I suddenly sensitive to everything, food, light, noise, people? Why am I getting sick all the goddamn time? Why does my body feel like it's falling apart just as I'm trying to put my life back together. I don't even feel safe in my bloody body anymore. If you're feeling any of this, it's because my love your body is trying to process what your brain can't. This is not weakness. It's your body waving a red flag going, Hey, I held this trauma for long enough. Thank you. Do something. It's almost like a bloody alarm clock. 

Sarah Elizabeth  05:10

So let's break it down, because this part matters, right? Trauma doesn't just mess with your emotions. It hijacks your entire freaking nervous system. And if you've lived in a toxic relationship or survived a divorce that felt like emotional warfare, chances are your body's been stuck in survival mode for a very, very long time. Now there are four main nervous system responses to trauma. Okay, fight. So all the energy goes from your brain to your upper body so you're ready to fight back. You get angry, lash out, try and take control. Or there's flight, all the energy goes to your legs so you can run the fuck away. You overwork, overthink, distract yourself constantly. Or there's freeze and the energy just numbs out. You shut down, numb out. Can't make decisions. And there's also Fawn where you people Please appease over caretake so you feel safe. Sound familiar? Yeah, same. Now, what's happening underneath all of that, your body is releasing a fucked up cocktail of stress, hormones like cortisol, like adrenaline, and it's doing it because it thinks you're in danger, literal danger, like being chased by a lion, kind of danger. There's a part of your brain called the amygdala, and in trauma, it sends messages to the nervous system going Danger, danger, danger. So what happens? Your digestion slows down, your immune system gets suppressed, your heart rate rises, your muscles tense, your sleep goes to shit, your libido. What libido would that be? Because your brain is shouting, survival, first everything else. Later, think of your nervous system a bit like a smoke alarm. When it's regulated, it'll only go off when there's a real fire. But after trauma, especially chronic trauma, like gaslighting, betrayal, emotional neglect, that smoke alarm becomes super bloody sensitive now it's going off every time you put a slice of bread in the toaster, or when you breathe wrong, or when you get an email from your ex, your body's still reacting like you're in the thick of the fire, Even when the dangers passed and over time, that constant alarm state, it burns you from the inside. So what happens if you stay dysregulated? Well, if your nervous system stays in fight, flight, freeze fawn for too long, here's what you might kind of notice, chronic fatigue, tick. Gut issues, hello, IBS, Crohn's, ulcers, nausea, yep. Anxiety, panic attacks, uh huh. Inflammation, yep. Brain fog tick all time, new flares, full fucking house. Anyone else? Basically, your body starts screaming at you, please, for the love of fuck, let me rest. But most of us, we keep pushing. We over function. We hustle harder, we try and prove we're all right. We're fine, absolutely fine, until the breakdown becomes physical. And again, that's not weakness, that's biology love. But the good news is your nervous system is trainable. Yes, it is. It's not broken. It's just in the need of a bit of work, and we'll get onto that. But all I want to say now is that you don't have to be perfect. You just need to start listening to what your body's been trying to tell you. Take it from someone who ignored it for too damn long.

Sarah Elizabeth  09:42

Okay, so let's talk about healing, not the filtered bath bomb and fluff version. I'm talking real healing, the kind that's messy, multi layered. Sometimes looks like a nap. Sometimes I cry. I. Sometimes it's rage Googling, why can't I move on? Sometimes it's all of those in the space of half hour. There are so many layers to this shit, and we're focusing on the physical healing, dealing with IBD, IBS, fatigue, autoimmune flare ups and everything else your nervous system dumps on your goddamn body. But there is also still the emotional healing, letting go of what they did and how it fucked your worth. The mental healing, breaking those thought spirals, giving your brain something other than chaos to chew on, and even, like I said, a level of financial healing, rebuilding your money mindset after divorce broke your budget and maybe your belief in yourself, it's not a straight line, it's a fucking roller coaster with no seat belt. One day you're journaling affirmations. The next day you're crying over a tax bill and stress eating biscuits in the bath. Yes, I see you. So imagine healings like a video game, right? You start at level one. You beat one boss. Hello emotional regulation, only to me, a sneaky new baddie called dating with trust issues. You don't get a cape, you get a weighted blanket and 47 unread text messages. You get to level two in the end, and then there's even more baddies, but you're starting to see some better rewards Now, few more stars, few more points, you know, some better bits, but it's still hard. And then every time you go up a level, there's a new load of crap to face, new level, new devil, as it's known. But the amazing thing is, once you know how to beat one level, you'll beat it every fucking time, anytime you get hit your nervous system in the future, you get to know how to deal with the baddies easily, and you get to know where the rewards and the treats are, you just need to arm yourself to play the healing fucking game. And you know what? That will look different to every single person. We've all got so many different versions of the game, because each one of us is working to different baddies, different rewards totally dependent on our own experiences and lives, right? 

Sarah Elizabeth  12:27

So it's about creating, almost like a pick and mix of healing that works for you and has your faves in the bag. Some days you'll want the chocolate, and that might look like therapy, or it might be the literal chocolate inhaling it. Some days you'll want the sour, fizzy bits, which might look like rage playlists and blocking your ex. Some days you want none of it. You just want to fucking sleep. You don't have to heal like anyone else. You just have to keep reaching into your pick and mix and trying what works today, and the trick is learning what works for you and also accepting that what worked last week might not work today. You don't need one massive healing strategy. You just need a stash of little ones, because the alternative your body will force you to so let's get personal for a minute. I've got Crohn's disease, right? It didn't show up until after my divorce, because I was diagnosed with Crohn's after my divorce. Thank you, universe. Full blown gut inflammation, hospital visits, constant fucking pain and fatigue like you don't even know. And let me tell you, there is nothing, nothing quite like learning to advocate for your intestines while also dealing with financial stress and the ex husband going bankrupt. And while I can't prove that trauma caused it, let me tell you, chronic stress is one hell of a trigger. There's research out there linking trauma to autoimmune conditions. The book the body keeps. The score goes all in on this, if you want the sciencey stuff. But quite honestly, even if the research didn't exist, I'd still believe it. I don't need a study to tell me what my body already fucking knows. Years of holding back rage, stress, fear and shame, finally, it all boiled over, and my gut said enough. 

Sarah Elizabeth  14:43

I know so many women going through divorce who end up with health issues, fibromyalgia, hormonal chaos, weight gain, weight loss, migraines, anxiety is so bad it lives in their skin and the worst. US part. We blame ourselves. We think we're failing, but actually our bodies are asking us to finally fucking listen. But we think we have to keep going. Have to be the air quotes, strong one. So let's talk about being the strong one, the one who holds it together, the one who parents, performs, keeps the house going, looks okay, while screaming on the inside, that shit is expensive, and your body it sends the goddamn invoice you don't get to bypass trauma just because you're good at coping suppressed pain becomes chronic pain, maybe sometimes, just sometimes, strength might look like saying, I can't do this today. I need help. I'm choosing rest over hustle. Sometimes healing means disappointing other people to keep your own fucking nervous system intact, right? So what can healing look like? Well, I've put together some of what can be in a healing toolbox, in like a healing pick a mix. 

Sarah Elizabeth  16:19

First up, there's nervous system regulation. We have been doing a shit tonne on this one in the divorce book club in May with how to heal after narcissistic abuse by Caroline Strawson, there were over 30, over 30 exercises in the book that was so good for our healing. We have those nervous system trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze, Fauci and when you've lived through divorce, betrayal, years of walking on eggshells, your body learns to live in those states. It becomes your baseline, your new normal, even when it's not supposed to be so nervous system regulation looks like gently guiding your body out of those survival states and supporting it back into the part of your parasympathetic nervous system that's actually calm, the part known as rest and digest. That's the part where your breathing slows, where your gut starts functioning again, where your muscles unclench, where your brain finally stops scanning for danger, where your body remembers is safe. Now, this isn't about ignoring your trauma or pretending everything's fine. It's about giving your body enough signals of safety that it no longer has to stay on high alert. 24/7, so regulation might look like a walk with no phone, the old screens of an added killer for our nervous system, by the way, it might look like breath work. And that doesn't mean thinking what I breathe, don't I? I mean proper, structured breath work that tells your nervous system. It's okay, it's safe. It might be music that makes you feel good, whether that's moving your body to it, or whether it's chilling to it. It might be a conversation that doesn't drain you with someone who lights you the fuck up. It might be saying no and not apologising for it. And actually, you know what? It might not always be pretty either. Sometimes nervous system healing is crying on the floor and letting your body finally release the shit it's been holding onto for years and fucking years. But that's the magic of regulation. It's not some flashy, sexy thing, it's the basics of what your body needs. Because once your body feels safe again, everything else becomes possible. Also great for nervous system regulation, EFT, Emotional Freedom. Technique, tapping, EFT, journaling is great, processing all that shit inside of you. Even cold showers, and I'm not an ice bath, convert at all, but I have got better at switching the shower to cold at the end of my morning shower, thanks to some of these books in the book club. Who knew.

Sarah Elizabeth  19:43

So what else might be in a healing pick and mix? Well, as much as you might hate me for this healing and looking after your body might look like nutrition and feeding yourself properly, low inflammation, eating. Gut support, hydration, probiotics, but also knowing when to say, Fuck it and eat the cake. I'm no expert, so really don't take this as advice, but honestly my divorce diet, which I shouldn't really say, is it does kind of glamorise it somehow. But during my shit show, I gagged every time I even thought about eating, and so I lived on diet coke and costa hot chocolate for weeks. And yes, I know it's no wonder my guts fucked, but I'm still blaming the trauma anyway. I'm just saying that healing might look like staying in bed and having some good old chicken soup. It might look like getting down the gym and upping your protein, right? Healing might also look like learning more to help you heal, learning about the narc, yes, but more importantly, learning about you, therapy, coaching, podcasts that don't sugarcoat shit. It all helps, and it's no surprise given the divorce book club that I have found so much healing value in books like The Body Keeps the Score, like how to do the work, and yes, our book club reads as well. Like healing after narcissistic abuse that we've just finished, and like confidence feels like shit by the amazing queen of confidence herself that we're doing in June, experts pour literally decades, decades of wisdom into those pages for us to heal, and when you're broken and searching for answers at two in the morning, that kind of wisdom can feel like a fucking lifeline. But also, here's the thing, reading the book is just the beginning. The real healing happens when you talk about it, when you share the Holy shit, that's me. Moments when you highlight a passage and someone else says, Well, hey, I underlined that bit too, when you realise that it's not just you, books change your perspective 100% but community with books fucking game changer. That's what embeds it. That's what makes it stick. That's what makes it real, because healing alone in your head is hard healing out loud with others, that's where the magic is, babes. It's just knowing you're not alone in this. You know, that's why I love the book club so much. Books and community holy, and also in our healing pick and mix for those hyper, independent overachievers amongst us, and believe me, I include myself in that box. Healing might just mean Rest, rest and more rest and not beating yourself up because you need it. Remember, it's not weakness, it's biology. 

Sarah Elizabeth  23:04

There's something else that might be in your toolbox, boundaries, yep, that big, scary b word that makes recovering people pleasers everywhere break out in a nervous sweat or hives learning to say no, no to things that feel like pressure not pleasure. No to people who only show up when they fucking want something. No to expectations that ask you to be palatable, polite and permanently available, because every time you say no to something that drains you, you're saying yes to yourself, yes to your peace, yes to your health, and a full on Fuck yes to your freaking nervous system. And let me tell you, boundaries don't make you cold. They make you clear. They don't mean you're angry or difficult or hard to love. They mean you've stopped setting yourself on fire to keep other fuckers warm. Yeah, it feels awkward at first. Maybe even brings on a bit of guilt, but over time, saying no becomes one of the kindest, most healing things you'll ever do for you, because in this chapter of your life, you're not here to shrink, you're here to honour the hell out yourself. And look, all of this is not a prescription, it's a pick your own bath. Try adapt, repeat. But please, please, please, just try your body, your mind, your nervous system will honestly thank you for it. And actually, as we're talking physical healing today, 

Sarah Elizabeth  24:53

let's also touch very quickly on that financial healing and all, because divorce fucks with your fine. Chances full stop. Let's not pretend financial trauma isn't a thing. The pressure to rebuild financially after divorce is real, and most of us do it while we're still emotionally limping. And that financial stress, it fuels the emotional and physical stress loop, which, again, takes this invisible toll on your mind, body and nervous system. I've cried over bills, worried about affording shit, avoided checking my bank account because my nervous system couldn't handle one more hit. But healing financially doesn't mean making six figures overnight, it means facing what you were avoiding, rebuilding your sense of self worth, so you stop settling for people, for jobs, for pay, and creating safety slowly, one brave decision at a time. Money's emotional and your healing deserves to include it. I've had to rebuild not just my income but my belief that I deserve abundance. I deserve health. I deserve happiness that I don't have to just survive. I get to thrive. And healing financially isn't just about budgeting spreadsheets and cancelling subscriptions. It's about rebuilding trust in yourself, trust that you can handle your own life, trust that you'll make good decisions going forward, trust that you're no longer abandoning you. And here's the thing most people miss. Self trust is the foundation of confidence, not the polished, Instagram worthy kind, but the gritty, quietly powerful kind that says, I've got me now. 

Sarah Elizabeth  26:55

Which brings me right back to June's book in the divorce book club, confidence feels like shit, by Erika Cramer, growing the confidence. Because real confidence, just like real healing, doesn't feel sparkly at first. It feels like saying no for the first time. It looks like leaving the text on red. It's choosing rest over proving yourself. God, I've had to learn that one, it's finally backing your own damn decisions, even when they're scary as buck, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, taking care of your body, your money, your goddamn peace. That's confidence, messy, real, earned, and that's exactly what we're unpacking in June in the book club, one chapter at a time, one brave decision at a time. Take the decision to heal. Please, please, please, because as we come to the end of today, let's really pull the curtain all the way back. Healing might look like cancelling plans not apologising. It might look like wearing clothes that feel like a hug. It might be saying I can't without justifying it. It might be finally applying for that thing that you didn't feel worthy of, it might be feeling your gut soften just a little when you speak your truth. Healing might not look like constant progress, toxic positivity, productivity, porn, forcing your body to keep up with your mind. Healing not a to do list. It's a fucking relationship with yourself, your body, your past, your future, and it's okay if it's messy, it's okay if it's slow, it's okay if you're still healing a year from now, two years from now, just fucking try, my love. Try with shaky hands. Try while still crying in the car. Try while you're still figuring out who the hell you are, without the chaos. And if you do want to rebuild trust with yourself, your body, your voice, come make confidence feels like shit with us in the divorce book club this June, let me tell you the queen of confidence, Erika Cramer, she keeps it so damn real, so raw, so relatable. This is not some fluffy, glittery, believe in yourself guide. This is real deal healing for women who've been through some serious shit and are ready to stop pretending and start becoming this book won't fix you, but it will remind you you were never broken to fucking begin with,

Sarah Elizabeth  29:45

and that that's the most powerful kind of confidence there is. We start during the first so everything you need in the show notes. Come join us. We're saving you a seat and a highlighter and final pep talk time if you're listening to. Is thinking, Is it normal to build this ship physically? Yes, baby is and you are not weak. You're just carrying more than most people will ever, ever understand. You're allowed to grieve the version of you who did her best to survive. You're allowed to rest, to rage, to rewrite the story. You're allowed to heal on your own terms and still be fucking powerful. You don't have to heal all at once. You don't have to do it perfectly. You just have to start giving your body the same grace you've tried to give everyone else, it's time to heal. Messily, honestly, fiercely, you're not just healing. You're becoming because this chapter, it deserves to be your best one yet, and you don't have to do it alone. So I hope that's helped you this week. Do please let me know I always, always, always love to know how you're getting on with what you're listening to on the pod, and I will be back in your beautiful earbuds again next time. So until then, I am sending you so much love. Bye. 


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Sarah Elizabeth

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