EP94: What Comes After Divorce... and Why That’s the Real Magic

We thought the magic would come after we healed, right? 

But what if healing isn’t the end goal?

What if the real magic starts… when the chaos finally goes quiet?

In this raw, wildly relatable solo episode, I’m talking about what comes after the heartbreak, the breakdown, the paperwork…. and why your next chapter might be the one you’ve actually been waiting for.

Because healing isn’t a montage.

It’s crying in IKEA. It’s wondering if you need a lampshade or a life coach.

It’s feeling guilt, rage, relief…. all in one school run…. and still asking, who the f*ck am I now?

💬 In this episode we go all in on…..

• What healing actually feels like (hint: not peaceful at first)
  
  
• Why post-divorce identity is the real challenge
  
  
• The silent shame of not “bouncing back”
  
  
• Reclaiming your nervous system, your body, your voice
  
  
• The quiet moments where you realise: you’re not just surviving anymore…. you’re living
  
  

This one is for the woman….

⚡️ Still rebuilding, but craving more

⚡️ Starting to feel her fire again

⚡️ Wondering what life could look like without the old rules

And a gentle heads-up… There’s a shift coming to this podcast.

Because midlife isn’t a crisis….it’s a catalyst. 

We’re about to step into deeper conversations on…. 💥 Desire, power, solo travel, sex, purpose, second f*cking chances

And if you’ve ever whispered, “I want more, but is it too late?” This is your invitation.

🎧 Plug in. Turn up. And let this be your permission slip to want more than just healing.

Because your next chapter doesn’t start with a breakup. 

It starts with a decision.

💖 Like this episode?
Tag me @thedivorcechapter on Instagram and share what landed most.

Or forward this to a friend who needs a reminder: she doesn’t need to bounce back…she gets to rise forward.

🎙️ And if you’re ready for your Fuck Yes era? 

Stick around. We’re just getting started.

With so much love,

Sarah x

🩷

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Chapters

• 0:00 It's a Moment of Magic
• 2:29 Snot Crying in IKEA
• 5:33 Who Are You?
• 7:56 Post-Divorce Power
• 11:04 What if Divorce was the Map?
• 12:36 The F*ck Yes Era

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Sarah Elizabeth

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Welcome back to the divorce chapter podcast, though, to be honest, what we're stepping into today might just be the prologue to something new. I'm your host, Sarah Elizabeth and this episode, this one feels like a moment, a moment to say, divorce wasn't the end. It was the door you slammed shut, yeah, but it was also the moment you realised you were the one holding the keys. This episode is called what comes after divorce and why that's the real magic. And yes, I said magic, not the Disney Princess kind, although, you know, I'll take a tiara as much as the next Princess over here, but I mean the goosebump kind, the gritty kind the magic that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, in a sunrise, in a stranger's kindness, in a silent Sunday morning, where you finally realise I like who I'm becoming. Mm hmm. Because after divorce, that's where the real story starts. 

Sarah Elizabeth  01:28

So let's get into it, right? And let's be real. You probably thought healing would look like some kind of rom com training montage. You'd start therapy, cut your hair, buy a journal with moons on it. Suddenly feel whole again, ticking off a timeline one day, waking up, feeling fine. Again, fine. I'm fine, yay. We thought it would be linear, predictable, controlled. Instead, it often looks like crying because you can't decide what fucking for one ready meal you're going to cook tonight. It looks like having an existential crisis in IKEA over soft freaking furnishings. You know, one minute you're arguing with yourself over duvet covers. The next you crying because the meatballs smell like a holiday you're never going to take again. Healing ain't graceful in IKEA, no it ain't. It's snot crying between the curtain aisles whilst texting your mate Do I need a lampshade or a life coach. It's wondering why your guts fucking hate you now. It's feeling triggered by an email from the school, it's realising you haven't laughed in like forever. You thought healing would be all like floaty and like peace. Instead, it feels like radio bloody silence, like walking barefoot across emotional, sharp Rubble, hoping for a spa day at the end. But the truth is, healing really doesn't feel like healing at first. Healing doesn't feel like peace. It feels like emptiness, silence, space where chaos used to live, and if you're used to the chaos that space can feel fucking terrifying. So if that's where you are right now, let me say this loud and clear, you are not doing it wrong. You're just in the part that no one posts about. What no one tells you is that grief and growth happen at the same damn time. You can love your freedom and miss the routine. You can feel fucking rage and relief in the same breath. You can miss him or who you were with him and still know that leaving was right, this duality, it's not confusion. It's healing in motion, because healing isn't a straight line, it's a messy fucking trifle of hope, heartbreak and holy shit, am I doing this? But that part is honestly, honestly, also where the magic begins, because it's finally yours. 

Sarah Elizabeth  04:33

And that brings us to the real challenge, because people assume the hardest part of divorce is the legal stuff, the paperwork, the finances, the custody calendars. But the real challenge is standing in your own kitchen wondering who the hell you even are anymore. You were someone's wife, the planner, the fixer, the keeper of dental appointments now, now you're someone. Who has to ask, What do I even like? It's who you are when the dust settles. Who are you without the marriage? Who are you without the ring, the partner, the role you played for years. Who are you when you don't have to make yourself smaller anymore? Who are you when you don't need to earn rest or justify joy? Maybe you're lying in bed now thinking, I should be over this. Why do the fucking Facebook memories still hurt? Is it weird I haven't cried in weeks? Does healing mean I don't care anymore? The answer to all of that is, no, no, you're not wrong, you're not numb, you're just becoming and your nervous system finally has a moment to fucking breathe. So who are you? Who are you when no one's watching? Who are you now that no one needs you to keep it all together, we don't talk enough about the shame of wanting more, or the shame of not bouncing back fast enough, or the shame of still missing someone who made you feel so fucking small. But what if there's nothing wrong with you at all? That silence after divorce isn't empty, it's just unclaimed, and now it's yours post divorce. Identity isn't just a new chapter, it's a new freaking author, and that means you get to choose the plot, the setting, the side characters. You're the main character now, but, but it does also mean facing the blank page, and that can be scary as hell. I get it. Post divorce identity is like waking up with fucking emotional whiplash. You remember everything, but none of it fits anymore, not the jeans, not the beliefs, definitely not the beige cardi. 

Sarah Elizabeth  06:57

So you start trying on, like, new versions of yourself, the woman who says no without apology, oh, my God, what if you stopped apologising for changing your mind, for sleeping like crap, for needing help, for buying the bloody fancy olive oil, wanting more without a five year plan. They aren't flaws, they're fragments of your freedom. What about if you could be the one who just buys some sexy lingerie just because it feels good, or the one who walks into a room and doesn't shrink to fit the vibe? You don't just get your life back. You get you back, but it takes a hot fucking minute to recognise that when you're in the messy middle. But you know, we love a good goddamn glow up story, don't we, the revenge body, the sassy haircut, the dramatic before and after. But most women I know, their post divorce power didn't come in dramatic fashion. It came in holding a boundary in a co parenting email. It came in saying, Actually, I don't want to explain myself, thanks. It came in admitting they were lonely and letting someone sit beside a minute. It's in the woman who took herself to dinner alone for the first time and didn't apologise for ordering dessert, she walked into that restaurant like it was a goddamn battlefield Table for one ordered the wine, sat through the awkwardness, and by about the third bite at the tiramisu, she realised no one was judging her. They were too busy living their own goddamn lives, and now so was she, or it's in the one who started therapy not to fix herself, but to finally meet herself, the woman who went back into the dating world and realised she'd rather be alone again than less than rather than settle again. The one who got sober, spiritual, strong, not for show, for real. One woman I noticed, threw out her bed, not because it reminded her of him, nah, because it reminded her of who she wasn't allowed to be in that bed. These women didn't bounce back. They rebuilt brick by brick, belief by belief, not prettier, not shinier truer. They aren't glow up stories. They're becoming stories. Because after divorce, the goal isn't to get back to who you were before it's to become who you were always meant to be. And that leads us to the moment that you realise divorce is a detour, not a destination.

Sarah Elizabeth  10:01

There's always a moment might be loud, might be quiet, might be silent, but there's always a moment folding the laundry or washing the dishes or walking the dog or laughing at a Tiktok or sitting on a beach in a body you finally made peace with. There's just this moment where suddenly it hits you, I'm not just surviving anymore. I'm actually fucking living. Fuck yes, that's the detour, the unexpected bend that reroutes you back to yourself. You thought divorce was the crash, but what if it was the map? What if it led you to the business you never dared to start, the friendships that feel like oxygen and family, they feel like family, the sexuality you buried under performance the self trust no one can take from you now, because in the rubble of who you were supposed to be, you finally found the blueprint of who the fuck you are. And that woman, that woman, she ain't just surviving anymore. No, she is not. She's starting to say, Fuck yes, this is the chapter No one writes books about the after, but it's truly where the magic really happens. 

Sarah Elizabeth  11:33

Which brings me on to a little something I want to share. Now, if you've been here for a while, you know, this podcast was born in heartbreak, in grief, in the rubble of divorce, the shit show. And I've loved every goddamn second of holding space for divorce conversations I really have. But lately, something's been shifting. Something's been shifting. I feel it in my bones, in the inbox, in the listeners, in you. You want more, not in a greedy way, in a ready way. I'm ready. You're ready. You're ready to stop calling it survival. You're ready to start calling it fucking Queen status. So while this podcast will always, always honour your past, it's also about starting to celebrate your future, because the truth is, you didn't come this far to just rebuild what you lost. You came to build something that feels like a fuck yes, we're not just talking about what we lost anymore. We're talking about what we want. We're talking pleasure, purpose, sex, strength, self, trust, second fucking chances. We're talking about a fuck yes chapter, a new era, a new energy, a new name, even so, while this podcast will always honour where we came from. It's also about to become a space for what comes next. And I'm going to give you more on that in the big 100th episode, because that's coming in a few weeks, and we're going to be going all in on things like reinvention when the kids are grown. Desire that isn't dismissed is too much dating with depth and a few laughs, late blooming creativity, career pivots, solo travel, sex that isn't performative, but actually powerful. We'll be talking all the goddamn things, because midlife ain't a crisis its a fucking catalyst. But for now, for now, you're not behind, you're not broken, you're not too late. Just please know this. You didn't come this far to just rebuild what you lost. You came to create something wild, worthy and completely you. You came to travel solo and love it. Say no without explaining, wear the fucking leopard print and the red lipstick. Start the business. Kiss the stranger. Write the damn book. You came for your next chapter, and it doesn't start with a breakup, it starts with a decision. So if this episode is stirring something in, you ask yourself, What am I done pretending to be okay with where am I still playing a part that no longer feels. Is, what would my life look like if it was built for me? It's time to stop asking for closure and start asking for more. The divorce chapters evolving. And if you've ever wondered, what if the best part of my life is still ahead of me, you're going to want to stick around, let me tell you. So if you're listening today, I just want you to feel the permission to stop treating healing like it's a fucking job. I want to reframe the loss of identity. It's not a breakdown, it's a blank canvas. So whether you're driving, walking or curled up with a cuppa right now, thank you always, thank you always, always, thank you for being here. This isn't the end of your story. It's the chapter where you start writing in your own goddamn voice. This podcast started as a raft, like for women clinging to the edge of heartbreak, just trying to stay afloat, but now, now it's turning into a fucking lighthouse to help you see what's possible in the dark, not just for who you were, but for who you are now becoming you don't have to bounce back. You get to rise forward and that that's the real fucking magic. And if this episode stirred something in, you go ahead, screenshot it, share it, tell your mates, because this isn't just a podcast anymore. It's your Fuck yes era, and I want you right here for it. So I will be back in your beautiful earbuds again next week, and I can't wait to show you what's coming. I'm sending you so much love. Bye. You.