EP38 Are you Woo Curious or Woo Dubious? The Power of Woo Woo in Unlocking Divorce Recovery

In this week's episode of "The Divorce Chapter," we're exploring a topic that might pique your curiosity (or else bring out your dubious side) and that is "woo woo" practices and their potential to guide us through the complexities of divorce recovery.

You might be wondering, what exactly is "woo woo"? It's a term used to describe unconventional beliefs often dismissed as pseudoscience. But here's the twist – many of these practices are gaining recognition for their therapeutic benefits, backed by scientific research.

I talk about a book in the episode by David R Hamilton PhD - why woo woo works which you can find here: 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09F25GTHK/ref=nosim?tag=thedivorceb00-21

From meditation to the Law of Attraction, Feng Shui to crystal healing, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping, we're delving into how these unconventional methods might, just might, give us extra options for healing through an unwanted divorce.

Join us as we explore:

1. Meditation: Cultivating mindfulness to find peace in the present moment.

I recommend the insight timer app for guided meditations - 

https://insighttimer.com/en-gb

2. Law of Attraction: Shifting perspectives for positive change.

The book I mention by Noor Hibbert 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/147369275X/ref=nosim?tag=thedivorceb00-21

3. Feng Shui: Harmonizing your home and heart for emotional healing.

Feng Shui Flow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefengshuiflow/

4. Crystals: Harnessing Earth's natural energy for strength and resilience.

Canny Crystals on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cannycrystals/

5. EFT Tapping: Releasing emotional blockages and restoring balance.

Brad Yates on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiHZMZejDS4RIxDdBwoie9A

Whether you're woo dubious or woo curious, there's something for everyone in this episode. As we navigate the ups and downs of divorce, let's remain open-minded to the possibility of finding healing in unconventional places.

Please do share, rate and review the episode too, and all the shizzle 🩷

Loads of Love

Sarah x

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Chapters

• 0:00 Why woowoo works
• 4:31 What is woowoo then? And CAN we weigh a cloud?
• 7:39 Meditation (and really, did we use the word unprecedented pre Covid?)
• 13:41 The Law of Attraction (nothing to do with dating)
• 21:24 Feng Shui flow
• 25:39 Canny Crystals
• 28:17 EFT - it bloody works!
• 29:40 Not a cult!

Transcript

00:00

Hello, how are we? So I'm starting with a question for this week's episode, which is, are you woowoo dubious? Or woowoo curious? Woo dubious or woo curious? Because this week I've been thinking about some of the more, I suppose out there, practices, so called woo, woo woo, and how they might help us move on through divorce. But I'm also very conscious that they are in fact considered out there and woowoo because a lot of people think it's all a crock of old shit. There is actually a business mentor that I follow Lisa Johnson, and she is a self professed cynic on all things, woo. But this year, she has been experimenting and then writing what she calls her diaries as emails which are just super fascinating, you should sign up. She's at Lisa Johnson strategist on Instagram. Anyway, she is embracing elements of woo in her life to see if any of the so called shit potentially could have an impact. And you know what, so far, she's swaying, you know, that's all I'm saying. She's goddamn swaying, she's got a foot in the woo side. And it's quite funny to read. But actually, a lot of this shit is backed by science. Now, there's even a book on this too, you know, I'm always gonna shout out the books. And this book is called Why woowoo works by David R. Hamilton, PhD. And when I was thinking about all this stuff, I was thinking even my blossom method to support and empower growing a happier life after divorce has some foundation in some Woo, in the m of blossom, because m is the magic that brings the rest of it together. It's not out there out there. But definitely some of it weaved through it, I think. So for today's episode, I thought we take a look at a few of the woowoo ideas, more the ones that I know and have maybe explored in little bit more depth, though. I'm really not an expert. But I thought we'd look at them and apply them directly to divorce and to look at whether any of them could be useful in our post divorce growth journey. Now, I know some of you listening may well be very woowoo dubious and very dubious, even anti Woo. As in, you're really not sure and your mum always warned you about people like me. But all I'm asking for the purposes of this episode is to at least be a bit Woo. Curious. Okay. You're with me. 

03:31

So what is woo, woo woo, well, I'm gonna open it with reading a bit of the intro from the book I just mentioned why woo woo works so I will leave a link in the show notes if you want to check it out. So David Hamilton, PhD, says the Oxford University's press's definition of woowoo is unconventional beliefs regarded as having little or no scientific basis, especially those relating to spirituality, and mysticism or alternative medicine. The term is believed to have been coined in the 1980s possibly in imitation of the wailing sound associated with ghosts and the supernatural. As an aside, how do words and shit become so widely used that they become a dictionary definition? Like, Bob down the pub in the 80s went woooooooo And it's now so widely known. There's fucking books on it. Anyway, this David Hamilton goes on to say that many complimentary therapies, healing modalities, treatments and other practices, theories and beliefs are often referred to as Woo. But this is because they're not widely understood and most people like bob down the pub again are unaware that in some instances, they've got a sound basis in Science. And he goes on to give the example of a conversation with a friend whilst walking in the park. And he'd said something about a cloud weighing around 100 tonnes, to which the friend laughed at the preposterous notion that we can establish the weight of a cloud and that it conjured up an image of giant kitchen scales. So the book goes on to explain that it's actually relatively easy to calculate the weight of a cloud. And it's something to do with a drone and the velocity it travels and water droplets collected, or something, it kind of went over my head. But anyway, he says that he uses that example to demonstrate that we often question the veracity of particular theories or ideas, simply because we know very little about them, or sometimes even because we've heard other people refer to them as unscientific. And it would seem sensible to adopt the same viewpoint because we're social creatures after all. And this is turning to a book review, which is not what it's just to say he goes on to unpick science around mindset, meditation, Reiki, crystals, telepathy, law of attraction, and a few more. But if you're interested, do take a look at the link in the show notes. And my point is that there is science behind much of the woo. And so please try and hold judgement whilst we talk about some of them specifically for divorce. 

06:38

Okay, first up, then, maybe one of the more mainstream ones and perhaps lesser woo, especially since COVID, I reckon. And that's meditation. And I say since COVID, because it was during that time that I feel like meditation became much more normalised like the medical profession were advocating it and apps like headspace, went wild and you know, in a period of unprecedented stress, that's another one of those words, did anyone actually use the word unprecedented before COVID? Like really, anyway, in a time of unprecedented stress, you know, in a world of unknowns, and when everything in society as we knew it went a little bit cray cray. A lot of people started to recognise the benefits of meditation. All right. Now, I'm not suggesting you sit cross legged in a darkened room with your palms up chanting ooommmmmm for seven hours a day, you know, some people find walking really meditative, like this, otherwise, sit, lie down, play some white noise, you tend to find what works for you, right? But the core benefit of meditation is that it trains us to focus on the present, you know, mindfulness, because what can happen, particularly when we are in the throes of an unwanted divorce, is that we fall into one of two camps. One where we're stuck in the past, ruminating over what happens, what was said, who did what. And that can make us feel quite depressed. Or the other camp is where we're worrying about what hasn't happened yet. Like, how you might live, where you might live, whether you're going to end up lonely and surrounded by cats, which can all make us feel quite anxious. So the best way to escape the two camps and find a nice calm oasis in the middle, is to focus on the here and now like, right this minute right this moment. So all the things I've suggested before in other episodes, like focusing on our senses, what we can see and smell and hear and taste and touch or like focusing on our breathing. And most guided meditation practices, which are guided meditations are where you have a nice calm voice, telling you what to do, and when and putting in your focus back. Most of these start with focusing on the breath in some way. And meditation because I know when I've talked about this with people before, people go, Oh, I can't stop thinking now. I can't stop thinking. It's not about stopping the thoughts because those thoughts are going to happen anyway, though. 60 to 80 thousand of the fuckers a day ain't stopping for nobody. But it's about allowing the thoughts to just pass them by or learning to allow the thoughts to just pass them by and not attributing a meaning to them or assigning an emotion to them so we don't get stuck on it. insight timer is a great free app for guided meditations, by the way, not an ad. But overall, what meditation does is calm the mind. And it focusing on calming our breath, and calming our mind, we are regulating the nervous system. I won't go into this in too much depth here as I've definitely covered it in other episodes. But basically, when something significant happens to us like divorce, and when our brain processes this as Danger, danger danger, the prefrontal cortex part of the brain, the conscious thinking brain, shuts down and allows the limbic part of the brain the emotional plane to take over and then sends messages and chemicals like adrenaline, which flood our body and our nervous system, resulting in a trauma response, like fight, flight or freeze. And when we're in this sympathetic nervous system response, our body is functioning only to protect us, which doesn't necessarily equate to calm. And the aim is to get out of the sympathetic nervous system and fight and flight and into a calm parasympathetic state. And it's that state, what keeps our bodies and our brains healthy. So a key step, then to move in forward from divorce is exactly the same to move from fight and flight into utter calm. And in order to do this, and to regulate our nervous system, we've got to convince the mind and the body, that we are safe, psychologically safe. You know, we can't, we just can't breathe as we should do when we're in fight and flight, because what we're doing then is shallow breathing, because our bodies have taken over to battle the perceived threat, you know, because it thinks we've got actual tiger charging towards us. So what meditation does is to teach us to control and calm our breathing and our thoughts enough to get into a parasympathetic state. Its a proper brain and body nervous system thing my love's, you know, before you completely poo poo it, just give it a try. If you can only manage a couple of minutes to start and build up if you can, it does take some learning and being able to practice I suppose being able to do it. So that's meditation. 

12:42

So on to what's next on my list. A more apparently, woowoo one, right? The law of attraction. And now this isn't anything to do with dating and relationships, as I heard someone say recently. So I'm going to try and explain this one as best I can. Right? We live in a physical universe, right? So I guess this is more about the non physical universe, there's stuff going on that we can't say. And before you switch off rolling your eyes, you can't see electricity either can you, but you trust its there. Yes? yes. Now there's a number of laws of the universe, and things that happen, no matter what, things we can't see. One of these laws is the law of attraction, which, at its most basic, is that like, attracts like. Now, quantum physics tells us that everything literally everything in the universe is made up of energy, even solid matter like the chair you're sitting on. Everything is made of energy. And each tiny minute bit of energy, then vibrates at different speeds you get high vibrational energy and low vibrational energy and everything in between. So you've probably heard people saying about high vibe people Yes. So high vibe high vibrational energy and people looks like happy joyful loving, whereas low vibe looks sad, depressed, just fucking low. And remember the Law of Attraction basis is that like attracts like, right? So if you're low vibrational energy what are you going to attract right back atcha? More of the goddamn same. So think about a time like when you've had a bad day, you know, it starts with the alarm not going off which makes you late and in your haste, you manage to spill coffee down your white top And then when you finally leave the house, it's pissing it down, you run to the station, only to find the trains cancelled and you're 100% now going to miss the 9am meeting with the new boss, you get the picture. You're like, give me a fucking break. Then think about a time where you've had an amazing day you woke up to a beautiful sunrise, you had a freshly brewed coffee and croissant and you've had a luxe shower, in expensive shower oil and your outfit looks banging your hair has gone right and you get to the station in a really good mood to find they're offering free coffee and then you get a seat on the train as well. And when you do get to the meeting with a new boss, you will have tonnes of brilliant ideas and completely schmooze them. So are we seeing this kind of day? Yes, you know, when one thing goes wrong, everything goes well. And when something's great, you're happy. Everything seems fucking wonderful. Now you don't need me to tell you which one of those days was a high vibe happy one and which one was low vibe Shi'ites. So if the law of attraction says like attracts like, the aim is to get ourselves into as higher vibe as possible, so that we get more of the same. Now I know that's not easy at any level after divorce. But the concept of law of attraction is that the more you can raise your vibrational energy, the better you can feel about yourself, the more good shit you attract, the more good shit you get back. Even if it's only bit by bit step by step and all that, you know. So Law of Attraction got major press and widespread coverage after the book The Secret came out. But actually, it was not exactly great press because it it kind of suggested that all you had to do was think of what you want. And you'll receive it ask and you will receive just like that, that if you want a car parking space in a full up carpark. Right, by the doors just think it and it'll appear. And that's what the book was a bit like, which of course is utter bullshit. But, when you read into and learn more about the law of attraction its based on taking action. As I think Francesca Amber says there's no law of attraction without action it's based on taking action that is aligned with what you want, what you want to attract. And then feeling into that energy of what it would feel like to receive it. Like, I suppose it's again, like that concept of being to see it and embodying it much like we talked about in creating the vision episodes. And it's an awful lot to do it justice for this episode. I guess the point here for today is unpicking the woo for how it might be able to help so divorce. So if you think about staying in a place where we're low, we're sad, we're angry. We're all the negative low vibrational energy. If we consider law of attraction, then basically all that's going to happen is we're going to attract more negative, low vibe energy and if we want to attract all the good shit instead, then guess where we need to be? Exactly. Joyful, positive main character energy? And I know I know, it's hard after divorce. And it's not an overnight fix. It's not like we just go we think we want to be happy and yeah, be but it is definitely very science backed woo, we're talking quantum physics my love. So it is worth looking into a bit more if you are a little bit woo curious and wanting to raise your vibrational energy. And a really good first book to go deep into this is a book called just fucking do it by Noor Hibbert. And I'll leave a link in the show notes again. I actually went to Noor's book launch last Friday night in London for her third book. You are a fucking success. She likes a fucking in the title. I love the girl. She's great. But Noor just has a really good way of explaining all the sciences stuff in a really easy to understand way so do check it out. If you need more to get you from woo dubious to woo curious and from low vibe, high vibe and all that. 

19:44

So next up on the Woo, feng shui. Now again, I'm really no expert in this stuff. But feng shui is basically about energy. Like Law of Attraction is about energy and people. Feng Shui is basically like energy in the home in the living or the working environment. And it's about releasing stagnant bad energy out and getting the good shit in. So it's about the same energy stuff and quantum physics, backing we talked about in the law of attraction to, it's an ancient Chinese practice, but there's modern takes on it. And you know what is not about having a pristine home. It's more about the placement of things and not having too much crap and clutter, blocking the flow of energy around the home. And so each of the areas of the home is divided into nine areas a bit like a picture of a Noughts and Crosses board, right? So a bit like that, and each area is called a bagua. And then with a compass, you stand at your front door, you've got a compass on your phone, and you work out the direction each area or Bagua sits in. So for example, the wealth area is in the southeast area of your home, the love and relationships area in the southwest and health smack in the middle, right. And the aim is to declutter the areas you're focusing on, and think about colours and positioning and stuff like that. To help the energy in that bagua, there's then all sorts of remedies that you can put into, increase the flow of positive energy in each respective area accordingly. And again, it's way too much to go into here, but a really good person to follow on this one. She's on Instagram as the Feng Shui flow. And she's called Kimberly Gallagher, she's really good at explaining it in a modern way. But I'm thinking specifically for today about divorce and relationships and how some woo might help. There are some quick fixes we can think about with a feng shui head, like, belongings, his shit, because Have you still got a load of crap in the house? Is there stuff that you associate with him if like furniture and shit, you're drinking coffee every morning from what used to be his favourite mug, because, you know, if your feelings towards him are negative, understandably, because of divorce, you're also going to give that negative energy around anything that belongs to him. So the quickest fix is to get rid, box it all up, box up anything left of his, find a way to get it to him, preferably in a way that doesn't involve contact, Is there a mutual friend who might be the courier of the goods, just get anything out the house that you associate with him in a bad way. Which does also then lead me on to photos like have you decided yet what to do with your wedding photos? Because I find from people I've talked to in this work that some people want to keep them for the kids, whilst others would happily burn them immediately. But there might be a somewhere like me, and somewhere in the middle and that you don't really know what the hell to do with them. So you're kind of holding on to him until you can make a conscious on emotional decision that feels right. And I held on to mine for a good few years. And then in a calm moment of clarity threw them away My kids definitely didn't want them but if they're in your home, it could be argued that That shit is bad energy. So if you can't decide if you've got a friends attic, you can put them in, but just preferably get them out of your house. Alright, so that's a couple of quick feng shui fixes for divorce related things clearing the clutter and his shit is a great feng shui first step I suppose if you're interested in this one, but do go follow Kimberly at feng shui flow if you want the expert on this one. 

24:02

Next up in the woowoo is crystals. Now for the science bit I've gone back to why woowoo works which describes how crystals are the most natural structures in our world and that, in fact, are it's building blocks, and quartz is made from silicon dioxide, which mostly crystallises from molten magma, whatever that means. Recent research at the Tokyo Institute of Technology suggests it's the formation of quartz crystals deep inside the earth that powers the planet's magnetic field. And this geomagnetic field envelopes the earth protecting us from harmful cosmic rays. This stuff in the book about helping plants grow crystals in technology and that humans are also tuned into the Earth's magnetic field. And then it details for the sceptic woo dubious amongst us some research by a professor at Goldsmiths college about the effects of crystals and another study by a chemistry professor in Tennessee, it's all very sciency in the book and I won't profess to understand it, you'll need to read it if you want to understand it because I, you know, I ain't a science teacher. But I figured as we're talking about the woo, we might as well include crystals. But if you do fancy trying crystals, I checked out the best reported ones for helping through divorce. Now, clear quartz is rated as the Master Healer, and it also amplifies the properties of other crystals, and it promotes positivity and happiness. There's malachite, which is said to absorb negative energy and promote healing. Moonstone is the stone of new beginnings. And then red Jasper for calming emotions and giving insight. Rose Quartz is said to be the love crystal but self love, self love my love. And it's also said to aid hormones in emotion. So there's a few to get you started. But make sure if you do buy crystals that they are from a genuine supplier, because otherwise you might end up with some just coloured glass. And the wonderful Mart from Canny crystals is your expert for this one. And again, I'll leave the link in the show notes. Mart tells you how to use your crystals what to do with them what they're for charging them because they need to connect with the earth in some way. And yeah, I have a look at Mart from chronic crystals. So that was a whistle stop on that one as I'm really not an expert, but I do have a few and I bloody love them. 

26:38

And then finally then in the woo ideas another quick whistle stop ones  to finish, e f t, which stands for emotional freedom technique, which is otherwise known as tapping. And EFT tapping is a powerful healing technique that involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the body. Whilst focusing on a particular issue or emotion. It's like acupuncture without the needles. And the theory behind it is that it helps to release built up energy and tension by tapping on meridian points, which are the specific points on the body that are connected to the body's energy pathways. And tapping on them helps to balance the body's energy which then helps to reduce the intensity of negative emotions, right. I might sound a bit out there but it works. I don't know how it works. But it goddamn works. I was 100% Woo dubious on this one until I actually tried it. So do give it a go. There's a zillion Well, maybe not quite that many. But there's a lot of videos on YouTube. Some are only a few minutes long Brad Yates is a popular one. Just typing the search thing EFT for divorce or whatever else you want to help with. And yeah, give it a go.

28:02

That was a very quick one to finish. So what do you think then about some of the woowoo stuff? Let's be clear. I'm not trying to convert you here. This isn't a cult. And I promise I'm not one of those people your mum talked about. And just actually talking about mum I've just realised this episode will drop on the anniversary of my mum and dad's death. 23 years for mum and 21 for dad this year fucking hell. My mum was a churchgoer. My Dad weren't but my mum was and she'd probably strike me down talking about the woowoo actually, you know what? I think whether you believe in the universe, God or Allah or whoever, I suppose it's like, about having a faith in a higher power, I guess. I don't know. Just saying mum made me think of it. But anyway. I just thought some of the woowoo might be good to look at for all possible options to help us heal after divorce because I don't want to rule out anything that might help. And let's face it, divorce is a mindfuck right, it's like it's not like there's a pill we can take to make it all go waway is there. is no magic wand either. Sadly, I'd make a fortune if I could create one. But if some of this shit could, just might, make a difference and sprinkle some glitter back into our lives then. Is it worth giving it a go? You know? I don't know. You may well be more woo dubious than when we started. I don't know but so let me know what you think. Do please share the episode and tag me on the old Instagram at the divorce chapter if you do try any of it. And yeah, let me know if anything woo helps you. Ooh that rhymes. Does woo help you. On that note before you think I've completely lost it I'm gonna wrap up today. Do please share the episode though if you have found it useful or even just mildly entertaining, then we aren't going to do the book why we woo woo works in the divorce Book Club. We're not it's just too sciency for me, so please don't worry, but we will have chosen our book for June over there by the time this episode lands so do head over there for a peek if you're interested FOMO and all that all the links are in the show notes. And that's it. That's it for me from this week. I'm gonna go off and feng  shui my house and charge me crystals. I will be back in your beautiful earbuds again next week, with perhaps a more serious topic. But in the meantime, I'm sending you so much love from me.