EP67 Single Bells, Single Bells: Reclaiming Christmas After Divorce

Yep, it’s that time of year…. The smell of cinnamon everywhere, matching PJs (even on the dog) and Mariah on f*cking repeat…. but if you’re navigating Christmas post-divorce, it can feel more f*ck f*ck f*ck than ho ho ho. 

I get it. 

Whether it’s the thought of solo family get togethers, lonely nights, or new traditions, this season hits different. But here’s the thing…. different doesn’t have to mean bad. In fact, it could be the start of something better.

In this episode, I’m spilling all the tea on how to survive…. and even thrive….. This Christmas. 

We’re talking:
 🎄 Setting boundaries with nosy family members (without losing your cool)
 🎁 Creating magical moments for your kids (even on a tight schedule or budget)
 ✨ Tackling loneliness with humour, self-care, and a sprinkle of sass
 🍪 Starting quirky new traditions—because you’re now the CEO of your Christmas

If the thought of decking the halls feels overwhelming, don’t worry….I’ve got you covered. 

You’ll laugh, you’ll nod, and by the end, you’ll feel ready to tackle the holidays on your terms. Spoiler: It’s totally okay if your Christmas involves pizza, PJs, and a movie marathon.

I’d love to hear what you think….. If you find the episode helpful, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with someone who might need it 💖

Until next week please take care of you, and sending you loads of love,

Sarah x

🌸

P.S. Don’t forget to check out December’s Divorce Book Club pick: The Self-Care Project by Jayne Hardy. It’s all about letting go of frazzle and making time for you ... perfect for surviving this Santa season. We started 1 December but it’s never too late to catch up because all the back catalogue is there for all members ⬇️

THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
 
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub

FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce

https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/

INSTAGRAM

https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter

Chapters

• 0:00 Matching F*cking PJs and Mariah is TOO much
• 5:27 Surviving the Family Get Together
• 8:49 The Grinch of Christmas (Loneliness)
• 14:32 Having to Share the Kiddo Magic with the Ex
• 17:09 This is the BEST part
• 21:07 Laugh through the Chaos
• 22:22 You've Got This

Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello and welcome to the divorce chapter, the podcast, where we're aiming to take you from pity party for one to full on celebrating the plot twist. Yes, I know that is not easy, and yes, I also know that as Santa season approaches, that's even goddamn harder I get it. It's the time of year when everything smells like cinnamon. Mariah Carey's de Fucking frosted, duh.And we're fucking bombarded with picture perfect holiday ads with cosy happy families sipping hot chocolate in matching fucking PJs. Yeah, and if you've just gone through a divorce that can feel about as comforting as a lump of coal in your stocking. Maybe you've been dreading crimbo since the Halloween decorations came down, or maybe it's just now sinking in, either way, let's address the elephant in the room. This year isn't going to look like last year. When you've been through a divorce. It ain't but let me tell you something else. Christmas after divorce also doesn't have to be a huge pity party. It's different. But different doesn't have to mean bad. Different just means well, different. It can, can also be better. Yes, better. You heard me, but I get it. If you don't quite believe me yet, it's okay if you're not feeling holly jolly right now. Or, as I always say, more fuck fuck fuck than ho, ho, ho. Divorce brings up all sorts of emotions, and as I've said, the last couple of weeks, Christmas just has a horrible way of amplifying them, right? Maybe you're mourning the traditions you used to have, or maybe the thought of attending a family gathering solo feels about as appealing as listening to all I want for Christmas is you on repeat for 12 hours straight. Here's the thing, feeling lonely, sad or even a little bitter is completely normal. You're grieving the life you thought you'd have, and that's okay, you know, we're here, don't we? It's the most wonderful time of the year, or at least that's what the fucking shitty cards would have you believe. But in reality, for many of us, post divorce, it's more like it's the most emotionally triggering fucking time of the year, it's okay to miss the old traditions, even if they were wrapped up in a marriage that wasn't working. You're human. Instead of ruminating on what's gone though, think about what you've gained, freedom, check, being able to spend Christmas morning in your pjs without judgment, double check, an entire tin of quality straight to yourself. You don't have to share. You're actually living the goddamn dream love. So if you do feel a wave of sadness coming on, give yourself a bit of a holiday blues, time out, put on your favourite dance playlist, watch a comedy film that makes you laugh. Do something active, like going for a walk. Because here's the good news, you don't have to stay in that headspace Christmas and the holidays and all that shit. It's actually a blank slate. This is your chance to rewrite what this looks like for you. So today we're going to go into the messy reality of handling family, get togethers, dealing with loneliness, setting new traditions, and if you've got kids making sure their Christmas feels a little bit joyful. So by the end of the episode, I want you to feel not just prepared for Santa's season, but even excited to make it your own. Spoiler alert, you might even end up liking crimbo More than you thought possible. Yes. So let's deck those metaphorical halls and crack on.

Sarah Elizabeth  04:25

First up surviving family get togethers, oh the good old family gathering the land of unsolicited advice, awkward questions, and that one pissed relative who always, always brings up politics, or worse, your divorce. Aunt Mildred asked you for the 17th time while you're still single and your cousin makes a passive aggressive comment about your air quotes, life choices. You know it dickhead. You can choose your friends and all that. But here's the key, boundaries, boundaries, more boundaries and some preparation chucked in. At the outset, you don't owe any fucker any explanation for your divorce, your current relationship status, or even while you're wearing trackie bottoms to Christmas dinner, you owe them jack shit. So a few pre prepared lines can save you sanity. Have 'em lined up ready to fire. So like I'm focusing on the future, thanks for asking. Or oh, let's talk about that another time. How's work? Slash, the garden. Slash, I don't know, fucking Bowls Club. Or, if all else fails, so I'm not sure, but can you pass the gravy? Slash, quality street. You know, have some shit lined up. You really don't have to say anything if you don't want to, if these people can't realise the impact of their shitty behaviour under some bullshit guise of oh, it's because we care, then honestly you don't need to people please them. The only person you have to worry about in this scenario is yourself. yes showing up to a festive event without your ex might feel weird, especially if it is your first time, but honestly, most people are just too busy stuffing their faces with mince pies to really give a shit. And like I said, If anyone does say something rude, remember it says more about them than it does about you. If you can take an ally, you know, whether it's your sister, your bestie, or even your neighbour, anyone, just having someone in your corner makes all the difference. And don't be afraid to use humour as well. If someone asks where your ex is, just say, I dunno, he's busy being someone else's problem Awks. And if all else fails, have an exit strategy. There's no shame in leaving early. If you're not feeling it, blame your dog. Say you left the oven on anything, whatever works. And if you just can't face the family gathering this year, that's absolutely okay too. Seriously, you don't have to explain yourself a simple I'm taking time for me, this year is enough. You're allowed to prioritise your mental health love. That's the biggest Christmas gift you can do for yourself, send a polite text or email, bow out and then spend the day or night doing something that makes you happy, Netflix and Chinese if you need to. You do you

07:51

so? Next up the dreaded L word. loneliness, the Grinch of Christmas. But let's get real about loneliness.This one can hit hard, especially if you're spending Christmas solo for the first time, and if it is your first holiday season alone, it might feel super freaking weird, like am I supposed to talk to myself while I decorate the tree. Kind of weird. It's so easy. And dare I say, it natural to romanticise the past and forget the utter chaos and show that came with it. Try and remember those Christmases. Like, I don't know, maybe you ex burned the turkey and blamed you for buying it good times. But honestly, loneliness doesn't have to be your default setting. It's not a reflection of your worth. It's just a state of being, a feeling, and feelings are like Christmas lights. You can switch them on and off. In fact, my last Christmas with the ex was actually one of my loneliest. The first one on my own where I didn't even eat dinner with my kids, was bizarrely less lonely. Bizarre, but I get it. If you're new to this and feel loneliness in relation to having a physical someone there, I get it. So how do you combat loneliness when you are feeling it and can't say yet that it is temporary. Well, number one, lean on your support squad, your inner circle. Reach out to friends, family, even co workers, if they make you feel good. Host of friendsmas dinner, even if it's just you and one other person. The key is connection, as that's the part that you likely feel is missing, right? Or volunteer nothing feels the heart quite like helping others. It's like reverse Santa instead of receiving your giving. So whether it's, I don't know, serving meals at a shelter, donating toys to kids in need, Giving back can actually really shift your focus and lift your spirits a bit, and potentially remind you how lucky you are to have what you do have, you know, and take some time for self care as well. And no, I don't just mean bloody bubble baths, although those are great. Try journaling, meditating, setting a personal goal for the season. It's about making time for you. And this month in the divorce book club, we're reading the self care project, and even just a couple of chapters in I'm bloody loving it. We do deserve to do this. Definitely check out the show notes if you need a Santa season self care, strategy and all that, and also embrace the solitude. Yes, it might sound a bit counterintuitive, but learning to actually enjoy your own company can be incredibly empowering. It was 100% the game changer for me make your favourite holiday dinner, crank up the music, dance around your living room like no one's watching, because they're not just create a ritual just for you, whatever makes you feel good. Do more of that. Oh, another one. Plan a me day, and this isn't just any day, it's a day dedicated entirely to you. Wear the comfy clothes you know, or dress up if you want eat your favourite foods, binge watch whatever makes you happy. Now, when I was still with the ex for a few of the latter years, my eldest son went away for work on Boxing Day. So the ex used to take my youngest son away to Scotland or somewhere and do boy shit, you know, like golf, quad biking. I don't know whatever boys do, and I used to bloody love it. I'd have a shopping day, smashing the sales with a nice lunch and a Prosecco thrown in. Then I'd have a spa day and get a lovely post Christmas massage or facial or both. And then finally, I'd have a sofa day, reading all my books that I'd got for crimbo and watching my shit on TV. It's a frigging vibe, I'm telling you, and that was when I was with the ex, but even more so to do on your own. Or, there's the solo advent calendar. That's another one on my list. Create a countdown to Christmas with tiny treats or self care activities or funny notes yourself, even you know like December the fifth, wear those reindeer socks with pride. December the 15th, watch the rom com and ugly cry, whatever. No judgment. here, whatever you like to do, but do try and stay busy if you can, as it does, really help for this first solo Christmas and doing things that make you happy, whether it's cheesy, fucking shitty Christmas movies, baked cookies, even if they end up looking at shit, the point is, Keep your mind engaged, because, remember, loneliness is a feeling. Is not a permanent state. Feel it, acknowledge it, and then do some shit to shift it. You're stronger than you think. You really are.

13:34

Okay. Now let's talk about the kiddos. If you're co parenting, the holidays can feel a bit like an emotional tug of war right, you're trying to keep things Merry and Bright while, navigating custody and schedules and figuring out how the fuck to share the magic with the bastard X, and maybe this year your kids are spending Christmas Eve with your ex and the thought of waking up without and feels like someone stole your sleigh. But here's what you need to remember. It's not about the specific day, it's about the memories you create when you're together. If your Christmas is on december 27 this year, so be it Santa doesn't care. He's flexible as fuck that geez, you know. So some tips then for making the season magical with the littlies. Communicate with the ex. I know, I know. But if you can manage a civil conversation, try to agree on a plan that works for everyone. You might need to go back to last week's episode for this one.But if that isn't possible, just focus on your time with the kids when they are with you, not what they're doing when they're away. Only focus on what you can control. And actually, what about creating some new traditions?With the kids. If the old ones feel too tied to your marriage, start fresh, a Christmas Eve scavenger hunt or New Year's Day pancake breakfast. Let the kids be part of the process. They would love helping you brainstorm and create the new normal. They'll love it. Let's not forget they're probably feeling this too, even if they are mildly excited at two lots of presents. You don't need a Pinterest perfect holiday to make your kids happy. They'll remember the fun, not the fancy. So whether it's watching films in your pjs or making the messiest gingerbread house imaginable, just embrace the imperfection. Kids are resilient. They adapt faster than we give them credit for. If they see you embracing Christmas with joy, they'll follow your lead. The point is you get to define what Christmas looks like. Now they might not be perfect holidays. It might not be perfect, but it can still be perfectly yours.

16:06

Which brings me on to one of the best parts of post divorce holidays, creating new traditions, full stop with or without the kids, just creating new traditions. You get to call the shots now? You want to skip Christmas all together and spend the week on the beach. Do it? Want to host a over the top ugly jumper party? Go for it. Want to eat pizza and watch Sex in the City because you've decided it's Christmas film. Who's stopping you? This is your chance to create a holiday season that feels authentically you, because Christmas does come with so many fucking traditions, doesn't it?But actually, every family does shit differently anyway. We all grow up with so many different ways, which means so many different ways to do Christmas. So one of mine, I think I've said this before, probably last Christmas, my mum was born in Yorkshire, and she was the queen of homemade Yorkshire puddings. Except the tradition in our house, actually every Sunday with the roast, but not just at Christmas, but the tradition was that we had Yorkshire pudding as a starter. It was an old Yorkshire thing. I know, I know weird, but anyway, one Christmas, my younger cousins came, and one of them said, when it came out as a starter, is that all we've got York pud. And it was only then that I realised that not all families did this. And I'm sure you've got your own quirky traditions, as well as this shit becomes fitness, right? So for me, then, when I met the ex husbands, I to adapt to some of his family traditions, like, you know, they did things differently. One I wasn't prepared to accept, though, was the absence of pigs in blankets for some bizarre reason they'd never had them. So I added that in, weird anyway. I focus on food traditions in it, but you get the gist after divorce, it does likely mean adapting some of these traditions that you've done for years, what you eat, when you eat, when you do presents, all that shit, even what day you celebrate? There is no law that says 25th of December is the only sacred day that you can celebrate.Just like there's no law to say whether York PUDs are a starter, they can be a dessert. But I totally disagree with that one. Every one of us has got different ideas. Christmas pudding or yule log, I'm on food again. Tinsel or no, I'm a no, although I don't mind a bit pink tinsel. Presents in the morning or afternoon or Christmas Eve. You do, you boo. You get to start your own new, quirky or otherwise traditions as much as you goddamn like. It might well be actually, that you do keep some of what you love. If there's a tradition that still brings you joy, keep it just because it was part of your married life doesn't mean it has to go. You're not erasing the past. You're building on it. Think of it like decorating a Christmas tree. You're just adding new ornaments all the time to stuff that's already there. But equally, you might want to experiment and try one or two new traditions this year, maybe Christmas karaoke night or some sort of craft project. If it doesn't stick, no biggie. You can try and say else next year, Just try to focus on experiences over things, presence over presents, presence of enjoyment, over presents as gifts. Instead of stressing about the perfect bloody gifts, think about how you can create meaningful moments. Go ice skating, take a drive and look at all the Christmas lights. You're the CEO of holiday headquarters now. New traditions Don't have to be extravagant. Sometimes it's as simple as letting yourself do what feels right for you this year

20:07

and try and laugh through the chaos. If you can remember, no Christmas is perfect, even in those sappy Christmas films, someone's always having a meltdown somewhere, give yourself permission to let go of perfection. There might well be awkward family moments or possibly a tantrum or two, whether that's in the kids or you, but the beauty of it all, and all the imperfection is that actually, that shit actually makes the best memories, burnt the turkey order pizza. Can't afford extravagant gifts, write notes, instead, forgot to move fucking Elf on a Shelf tell the kids he's on strike, so life's messy and that is okay. What's more important is finding a way to laugh for it isn't that what Christmas is about finding joy. So give yourself permission to mess up. Let go of the pressure to have everything just right, because when you look back, it won't be the perfect moments that stand out. It will be the ones that made you laugh, the ones that made memories.

21:21

And if all else fails, remember, January is just around the corner, New year, new start, and all that you've got this, you really have got this. So I hope that helps in feeling a bit more ready to take on the Christmas holidays, whether you're reimagining tradition, setting boundaries or just trying to survive. Christmas is about love, joy and connection, right? And that includes loving and being kind to yourself. You're doing great, and you deserve a Christmas that feels good for you, so get excited, or at least try huh? If you did find this episode helpful, please do share it with someone who might need a little extra cheer this Santa season as well, and don't forget to subscribe to the divorce chapter podcast as well. So you don't miss next week's episode. We're going to have some more tips for a thriving post divorce Christmas coming your way. So I will be back in your beautiful earbuds for that one. So until then, take care. Stay cosy and remember you fucking got this. Sending you so much love. Bye.