The Divorce Chapter

EP69 The No BS Guide to Staying Energised at Christmas after Divorce

• Sarah Elizabeth • Episode 69

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It’s Santa Season again…. the season of tinsel, turkey, and to-do lists longer than a John Lewis queue on Christmas Eve. And if you’re anything like me, you’re probably feeling the energy drain kicking in already.

Because let’s face it… Christmas post-divorce is a lot. There’s the emotional rollercoaster, the endless logistics, the awkward family gatherings, and let’s not forget dodging those mood hoovers who suck the life out of you faster than a hoover plugged into a turbocharger.

But here’s the thing, Christmas doesn’t have to leave you feeling like a wrung-out dishcloth. This week on the podcast, I’m diving into how to manage your energy at Christmas… because protecting your peace isn’t just a nice idea, it’s absolutely essential this time of year.

🎧 In this episode, you’ll learn:


 🎄 How to budget your energy like cash in a bank (some interactions are not worth the withdrawal)
🎄 Hacks to deal with energy vampires/ mood hoovers….whether it’s the nosy aunt or the ex stirring drama.
🎄 Quick ways to recharge when you’re running on empty (no, you don’t need a week-long retreat)
🎄 How to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ strategically so you’re not spending Christmas stretched thinner than wrapping paper.

Plus, I’m sharing practical tips for managing the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can creep in during the holidays. Think of it as your survival guide for keeping the season merry and not mentally exhausting.

Whether you’re dealing with chaotic schedules, nosy relatives, or just trying to make it through the holidays without a “menty B” (mental breakdown), I’ve got you covered.

Wishing you the best Christmas, whatever it looks like for you, and sending you SO much love,

Sarah x

🌸


P.S. Oh, and because I know you’re putting everyone else first right now (don’t think I don’t see you 👀), a little reminder: this month’s Divorce Book Club pick is The Self-Care Project by Jayne Hardy. Consider it my nudge to you…. this Christmas, you deserve to be at the top of that list. 

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Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello and welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the divorce chapter podcast. I'm your host, Sarah, Elizabeth, and so far this month, I've tried to be a little bit of Santa Sarah and give you a few gifts of how the fuck to manage a Christmas in a divorce shit show. I know you'd have probably preferred a mulberry bag and some perfume. But there we are. We move. We move now. It's the most wonderful.... and let's be honest, sometimes most fucking exhausting time of the year. And if you're trying to just get through Santa season in the middle of, or after a divorce. You know that crimbo can feel like a freaking marathon, right? The emotional toll, the social expectations, the sheer energy it takes to keep the season Merry and Bright can leave you drained as fuck. So today we're talking about managing your energy at Christmas after divorce. And when I talk about managing and protecting our energy, I'm really talking not only about the quantity, as in the physical energy, but the quality the emotional energy. So this is not just your physical energy, but your emotional energy and all love. I like to think of it a bit like an energy bank. Like a bank account, every interaction is a transaction. You put in, it builds up, you keep withdrawing, and you're screwed. Every interaction is a transaction. Now you can invest in positive interactions that replenish your energy and leave you feeling fucking amazing, or you can spend way too much on situations that drain the fuck out of you and leave you scrambling for an overdraft and thinking about it like that helps us to think about how we might even budget to protect our energy, right? And I promise this is not going to be one of the meditate and go for a walk kind of chats, though, that helps, but I'm going to try and look at some other ways to kind of nurture your energy over the next week or so. So think of this episode a bit like a Christmas Survival Guide for your mind, body and soul, or, indeed, anytime, Survival Guide actually. Okay. Does that sound good? I really don't know why I ask questions like that. It's not like anyone's going to bloody answer. Is it you think after years of living alone, I'd find it slightly less weird chatting away to myself, wouldn't you? But anyway, first up, let's talk about why energy feels so goddamn scarce after divorce during Christmas, and it's because it's loaded with emotional triggers, right they're bloody everywhere, memories of your old traditions, maybe even the absence of your kids if you're co parenting, add in family dynamics, financial stress and a bunch of societal pressures just To look happy, and it's no wonder you're left feeling like your battery is about 10% by mid December, is it? But here's the thing, energy isn't just something you have or don't have. It's something that you can actively manage. Think of yourself like an iPhone or an Android if you absolutely must, if your apps, AKA your commitments, are running in the background unchecked, your battery drains faster, right? But if you know where your energy is going and make conscious choices, you can last the whole day, or in this case, the whole goddamn week. 


Sarah Elizabeth  04:01

So let's start with the physical energy, because it's the foundation for everything else. And look, I struggle with this massively. So I'm going to try and practice what I preach and all, and I wanted to look at some more, perhaps unconventional ways to protect it, like when the usual stuff doesn't work. So there's some strategic downtime the power of micro hibernation. So instead of waiting until the 27th for a full day to rest after the Christmas chaos, try and find some micro hibernation moments. Now that could mean sitting for 20 minutes in a dark, quiet room after a family event, lying in a darkened room they drove you to it, you know. Or it could be a new morning ritual where you just sit with a cup of tea in silence, complete silence. I mean, if you focus on your breathing. In at the same time, then you're basically meditating. So that double win. The point is you don't need hours to hide away and recharge. You just need a couple of tiny pockets of peace to boost and recharge your nervous system. And if we can find those small pockets of time to take these small pockets of peace, some strategic downtime that is actually way more achievable than having a full on menti bee before the 27th menti bee mental breakdown. We don't need no menti bees over here. Oh, another trick, the yes no formula. Now this is a bit of a game changing way actually, to handle the commitments over Christmas or at any time. For every yes you give to an event to see someone, to do something, give yourself a matching No. So if you say yes to going to a party, say no to hosting anything that week, or if you say yes to a two hour family dinner, carve out two hours that week to recharge, whether that's a nap, a solo walk or watching your favourite Christmas film in your PJs, a Bit like an energy exchange you're depositing back in equal to what you took out. Or if we stick with the energy bank theme, set yourself a yes budget, decide how many yeses you're willing to give for the entire week. Like a set budget, if you've already hit your limit, the rest of the asks automatically become nos computer says no and that forces you to prioritise the events and people that matter most, whilst avoiding burnout and a mentee be because otherwise, you know, Christmas social events are like those endless fucking pop up ads. No matter how many you close, there's another one there, like whack a mole, and there's always that one person who invites you to something low key that turns out to involve dressing up as an elf and participating in a fucking karaoke contest and there. 


Sarah Elizabeth  07:15

And this year, you just don't need that shit. I mean, my advice, when in doubt, blame the dog. I would love to come, but buddy has separation anxiety. I've got a list at home with him, or risk him eating the entire Christmas tree again. You know, whatever you need to say, it's about balancing outgoing energy with incoming rest. There's only one of you in all that. And also on physical energy, get yourself some energy foods, but festive energy foods like you know, we all know about healthy eating during the holidays, but let's be real. It's Christmas and you want to enjoy yourself. It's not exactly realistic to count calories when there's a tin of quality street and a mountain of mince pies everywhere you freaking turn. So instead of cutting out treats, try to, like, pair them with some energy boosters. Like, I'm really no health coach, but like, you could add some pomegranate seeds to your desserts for some antioxidants, or whatever they are. You might want to pair a Bailey's hot chocolate with a handful of nuts for the energy, or have a ginger and lemon mocktail in between glasses of wine. I don't know. It's just about finding some ways to enhance your energy as best you can, and not fucking deprive yourself love and you know what? Ditch the gym for a week if it feels like a chore, find other kinds of movement that feel festive and joyful, like ice skating. I'm not very good at ice skating, so I'm not an advocate for that. But you know, Ice skate to Christmas music, I don't know, go for a walk through your neighbourhood and check out all the Christmas lights, or just have a stretch in front of the Christmas tree with the twinkling lights as your backdrop. Whatever it works, it's about moving it in a way that energises you without it feeling like hard work. So that's a few little physical energy tips. 


Sarah Elizabeth  09:15

So now let's look at emotional energy as often it's that shit that takes the biggest hit over Santa season, right? Like energy vampires, mood Hoovers, whatever you call them, you know them, those people who leave you feeling completely fucking depleted. Now might be a toxic relative or even your ex trying to stir up drama. You know, those fuckers who just drain the life out here, the ones who ask, so, when are you gonna get married again? Or why don't you just get back together with your ex? It's like they've been hired by some secret society to steal that tiny bit of christmas spirit you had left. How to deal well, like saying no to shit you might. To use the dog again or make up having a dog. It's about having an exit plan. Have some go to excuses ready, like I need to leave early to let the dog out, even if it's an imaginary dog, even just I've got an early start tomorrow. Give yourself permission to leave, because that's actually quite empowering to do that. And time box those fuckers, like, if it's an energy vampire that you have to see, like it's a relative or whatever, instead of giving them free access to you, set limits around it, say that you're only free from, I don't know, six to eight. It sets limits around the time that you may have to be stuck with them, and then you can claim back those two hours with some strategic downtime as well the energy exchange. Or if you can use the old buffer technique, take a good friend or family member to those events where you know you're likely to find the mood Hoovers and fuckers because they act as your emotional buffer, and you can giggle about everyone behind everyone's back, just saying, or if all else fails, my personal favourite, when you've got one of these people that's asking you All these really awkward questions, Channel your inner toddler answer every single invasive question they throw at you with, why? Just like a two year old, why? Yeah, but why? But why? Though it's really fucking irritating, confuses them and almost guarantees they'll walk away. You know, there you go. 


Sarah Elizabeth  11:42

Now, if it's just crimbo in general you're feeling shit about, you can have a bit of an emotional energy audit. So you can take 10 minutes just to scribble down everything that you're dreading about the holidays. And then when you've done that, just ask yourself, what's actually in my control? What's in your control? Because, like, if you're worried about, I don't know, seeing your ex at a school play or Carol concert or something, you can't control their presence. You can't control them being there, but you can control how much time you spend talking to him, or where you sit. You know, although that always makes me think about there was this divorced couple of my kids school, and when he was in reception year, my youngest son was Joseph, obviously darling. Anyway, the show was whoopsy Daisy Angel. So all of the parents of the kids with the, you know, the main roles got there super early, you know, bagsy a seat and all that. And the mum and dad of whoopsy Daisy Angel the star, the mum and dad of whoopsy Daisy Angel were divorced, and the mum was with someone else. So the mum and the new bloke was sat by me on the front row when the show was about to start, and by this time, the place was Ramo, standing room only, and whoopsy Daisy Angel's Dad walks in, the mum's new bloke immediately got up and just let the dad have his seat. Nothing said, no drama. Just gave up his seat for the dad. I've never forgotten that, and that was the bloody nearly 30 years ago, but I think that's probably divorced parent goals right there, not quite as easy in the first year. And if you haven't got such an arrangement, then just bring it back to what you can control and what you can focus on, and just do more of that. Just do more of that. 


Sarah Elizabeth  13:49

And look, it may well be that if this is your first or even second or third Christmas after divorce, there might be some grief still hanging on in there. And if that's the case, then what about creating a small grief ritual almost? Now, bear with me. I know it sounds a bit cray, cray, like I'm now having a fucking mentee bee, but this shit works, I'm telling you so like you could light a candle as a symbol for the life you've left behind. Think about it, release it, free it in your mind, and then blow that shout. It's almost like a symbolic release, because that acknowledgement of the grief can weirdly, I don't actually know how it works, but it does free up emotional energy, though, if you are going to try the whole light in a candle, symbolic release thing. Just make sure you don't do it near your tree. You don't need to be turning your Christmas into a scene from Die Hard neighbours will think you're roasting chestnuts on an open fire inside your bloody living room. You don't need that kind of rising from the ashes love. Or another thing to try with emotional energy. Just more generally, you could create a special little space and. House just for you. It's your peaceful place, your corner of stillness, whatever it looks like. And just find a little place, a corner, whatever, in your home for some quiet time, some new time over Christmas time beyond, if you need to, it could be a chair by the window, a corner with candles and crystals, or just even sitting down next to the Christmas tree, whatever it looks like, just try and spend a few minutes there each day, quietly, thinking, meditating, whatever works to refocus on you. And another great thing that is so powerful for shifting our state and changing our energy up is music. Now I know, I know, because I did it after divorce. You end up playing the shitty, broke up songs and songs that remind you of the X. I know, and I don't honestly know why we do it to ourselves. We feel sad, so we play songs that make us fucking cry. What is that? But if you can try instead and create a playlist of high energy, high vibe songs that make you want to dance, that make you feel good, and then dance that helps your physical and emotional energy like no one's watching and all that. And one more energy drain we do need to watch out for is social media. We all do it, the Doom scrolling. I've said it before. You know, I will go on Tiktok for five minutes and two hours later watch the fucking film if you know, you know, but social media is a killer for energy. It drains your energy bank quicker than anything. I bloody know, like a phone battery on 1% during a banging group chat. You know. You know it's bad. You don't even need me to tell you this. For the love of God, set a daily limit. Use the screen Zen app. Set a limit and stick to it. And also, for the love of God, block your ex and any of his people that might show him or trigger you, because that will fill out your energy bank right up. Believe me, block over the bloke. 


Sarah Elizabeth  17:03

Remember, every interaction over the next week or so is a transaction. So are you going to be rich? Are you going to be poor? And if you need a quick boost, an interest free top up like a gift card to yourself, couple of practical hacks for managing your energy on the go to just about to walk into a situation, use the energy shield. It's closing your eyes and visualising yourself surrounded by a protective bubble like the weetabix ads you know, just imagine it closing all around from your feet, like this warm bubble, wrapping yourself in it, where you're all safe inside it, and no one can get to you, and then any negativity coming at you when you're in that stressful situation, you just just bounces off your bubble, like pow, pow, pow, like superhero styles, just bounces off You. Or use some sensory anchors, like smells or sounds or textures to ground yourself. And one really great grounding technique, I'm sure I said it before on here is the 54321, this is based on stimulating your senses and calming your body into a safe place. So you say to yourself, either allowed or in your head, five things that you can see there might be Christmas lights, it might be the colour of the walls. Then four things that you can feel like cold air on your nose or sequins on your crimbo top. Then three things that you can hear like a ticking clock or Christmas song playing a low hum somewhere. Then two things that you can smell like Christmas candle or Christmas PUD, or maybe it's about keeping one of those, you know, you know, those roll on essential oil, things in your bag, in your handbag. And then finally, one thing that you can taste like, maybe mints or something, or mince pie, but you do you.... or there's always the good old physiological sigh, if all else fails and you're in an instant and you need to calm the fuck down and save your energy just right there, right then, because the physiological sigh basically calms the nervous system super quickly and easily. It's like the best shit for the nervous system, and it's taking a deep breath in through the nose from the diaphragm, and then taking another deep breath in straight away before exhaling. So it's two inhales straight after each other, and then a slow out breath. And overall, when it comes to your energy, remember you don't need to do every goddamn thing. Skip the fucking cards, skip the elaborate wrapping, Let good enough be your Mantra this Christmas. Why should everyone else enjoy it? Except you? You know, I get it Christmas after divorce can be challenging, yes, but as I've said a few times over the last few weeks, it's also an opportunity to rewrite the rules. By managing your energy, physically and emotionally, you're not just surviving the holidays, you're actually creating a new time that feels more like who you are now. This is who you are now, babe. 


Sarah Elizabeth  20:28

So here's my challenge for you, pick just one thing from today's episode to try over this coming week, whatever it looks like, just try and do something for you, like a gift yourself, and if you're struggling for a last minute extra Christmas gift to yourself, there's a couple of options on the gift list. Just call me Santa Sarah, one you can download my free guide to the 10 best books to read after divorce over on my website, www dot the divorce book club.com it's free, but then you download the list, and then you Amazon Prime those babies to yourself. Or number two, of course, gift yourself a life changing 2025 with joining the divorce book club. And until we start the new book on first of January. You've got loads from this year to catch up on whatever's happened. You're on Santa's good list. So treat yourself. Love. So thank you. If you did enjoy the episode, could you tell your girl a solid for Santa season and wait and review the episode? It honestly would be the most amazing present for me at Christmas or anytime. It does mean the world to me. And finally, thank you, as always, for being here. And most importantly, however you are choosing to create your new Christmas after divorce. I wish you so much, peace, calm and happiness, and I am sending you so much love for me. I will be back in your beautiful earbuds next time for Twixtmas, my favourite time of year. I hope, hope, hope. It's a good one for you. Bye.

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Sarah Elizabeth

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